He was little, he was plump, and he was blue. If you were sad he could sing a song to you. If you were happy he could sing along with you. He was always there to put a smile on your face. Always there to give you some cheer. But no one ever asked about him. No one asked if the little blue bird needed a friend. Needed someone to smile for him. He was taken for granted. He was often forgotten. You wanted a new pool so you cut down some trees. You cut down his tree. His nest he’d worked so hard to perfect. But he was okay. He sang his tears away. He took his time and built an even better nest. But then you got a cat. A cat to make the kids happy. He no longer had a safe haven in the backyard. Constantly on patrol, the cat claimed her territory. She stalked his tree, his better nest he’d built, his birdbath. The fear became too much, he lost his will to sing. You didn’t notice. You carried on with your life. One day the little blue bird got up and flew away. Sad tears in his eyes, he left his beautiful nest and the yard he’d called home since birth. One day too late you noticed you no longer heard his songs. His cheerful tunes were gone. In changing your life you’d changed his. 

19 Notes

19 Notes

Kay Walker

EN300

                I don’t know when you’ll find this. I don’t know what the day is, how old you are, if you’ve entered high school yet, or if you’ve gotten your first kiss. Is your hair long or short now, have you grown into my old clothes? I’ll never know. And at times that may be the saddest thing in your life. At times you may feel you cannot go on, that you cannot live without me. But don’t think that. You are amazing, beautiful, and talented. And I know you will grow up and conquer this world. You will be become the best little sister I could have ever asked for. I may not be there in person to see this, but I promise I’ll be watching from up above.       

The tear-stained paper was clutched in her hands. Rainbow colored nails pressed the words close against her chest. As if she could press hard enough and they would be transferred straight through to her heart. Tears slipped out of the corner of her eyes and rolled gently down her cheek. Each breath she took came in with a slight shudder and her shoulders shook as she silently wept. Opening her eyes she looked down and reread the note again, committing it to memory. Then smoothing it out across her knee she placed it onto the page. Right under the last note she’d found:

                I love you, with all my heart. And I will never stop loving you. Never forget that. Remember that time we found the kitten and cared for it. We made a bed for it, fed it, and sang to it. I want you to know that I love you as much as we loved that little kitty that day. I want you to feel as warm and happy as he did lying in his bed with your stuffed Pooh. Remember the laughs we shared as he stretched his little paws and yawned? I want you to laugh like that again. Laugh like that every day. I’ll be laughing with you.

She taped it down, sharpied in the date, and shut the book. The cover simply said “I Love You Katelyn”. Katelyn smiled and wiped her tear-stained cheek. Flipping open the cover she read the first page that had already been memorized.

            Katelyn,

                                First of all. I love you my little katiebug. I love you for how strong you are, how beautiful you are, and that you’re my little sister. I love that you look up to me, that you ask me to braid your hair and paint your nails. I love that we’re closer than most sisters are. I could have never imagined my life without you in it. And now, I know, I’m asking you to do the impossible. You’re going to have to live without me. I never expected to have to say that, and I know how hard of a task that is to ask of you. I know some days you will falter, you will yell out at God saying “Why me!?” but keep strong Katelyn. I know you can. Stand tall and be a big girl for mommy and daddy. Give them hugs and kisses for me every day. They will miss me just as much as you. Live every moment to your fullest and don’t forget to take chances. Fall helplessly in love, break some boys’ hearts, and learn everything you can. Don’t let your life stop because mine has katiebug. Remember those stories we used to tell when we were young? Of going to faraway places and seeing palaces and princesses? Well I’d like you to still do that. And then when you get up here, you can tell me all about it. I’ll be waiting for you. I know losing your older sister when you’re 14 is heart breaking and the world just seems cruel, but I know you’ll be okay. You are my sister after all. And we stand tall. I’ve left 19 notes around the house for you to read when you need a pick me up. When you need a little extra love. I’m giving you this book to keep a sort of scrapbook of them all. I know you’re artistic and can only imagine you’ll make this as beautiful as you.  I love you Katelyn. Never lose faith.

                                                                                                                Love,

                                                                Isabella

A fresh wave of tears slid down Katelyn’s face as she flipped through the rest of the book. She’d found 18 of the notes and had each pasted to a page with the date she’d found them. She didn’t go out each day and look for the notes; rather she let them come to her. Ella had been creative in hiding them. She hid them in places that wouldn’t be obvious and Katelyn was thankful for that. Having these little notes popping up unsuspected over the past two years had been one of the greatest things Katelyn had looked forward to. One was hidden in her favorite book, another in the pocket of a pair of jeans, and this newest one she’d cleverly tucked into her teddy bears clothes. Now only one remained. It was almost bittersweet as Katelyn closed the scrapbook. After the last was found she’d have nothing left to look forward to. This was something Isabella had predicted and was why she’d given her the book to keep them all. Having them to look back at whenever she needed them would have to be enough consolation. Katelyn placed the book back in her nightstand drawer and curled up on her bed. Drawing the covers up to her chin she closed her eyes.

Isabella was 17 when she was diagnosed with a severe form of bone cancer. At 18 she was declared terminally ill and her health began to rapidly decline. Katelyn was only 13 but she remembered it vividly. The trips to the doctors, the loss of hair, the months of bed rest. Having to be gentle with Ella and quiet around the house because she slept all the time. When Ella turned 19 they gave her three months to live. Katelyn was overcome with anger, sadness, and fear. As a 14 year old she had never experienced death but she knew what it was. She knew Ella was dying and that she could do nothing to stop it. When everyone was asleep at night Katelyn would climb up into her older sister’s bed and they would cuddle together. Looking up through the skylight they would watch the stars in silence. Sometimes Katelyn would ask Isabella if she was scared. Ella always said yes, but that she knew she was going to heaven, and that made it better. She would reassure Katelyn and they’d fall asleep holding each other. Those were Katelyn’s best memories with Isabella. They formed a bond that not even death could break. She grew closer to her sister in those three months than she’d ever been before. She learned things about her, her wishes, dreams, and fears that she’d never known.

When Isabella died in August, Katelyn cried for days. She was inconsolable and used to climb back into the bed and stare at the stars just like they used to. She’d hug her sister’s pillow tight and dream of the days when Ella was healthy.  When they could run through the flowers, swim in the pool, and build igloos. She would remember their late night talks and run through them over and over in her head. Never would she have that older sister to run back to and tell all about her first date. She wouldn’t have an older sister to teach her how to put on makeup or bring her shopping for trendy clothes.

 It took Katelyn a month before she could go a day without bursting into tears. And it was on one of those days she found the first note. She was eating her cereal before school and finishing some last minute homework. While scribbling answers across the lines on the sheet her pen stopped working. Digging in the front pocket of her backpack she searched for another pen amongst all the markers. Then her hand brushed against something. It was hard, metal, and most definitely not a pen. Pulling it out she was surprised to see a heart shaped tin. Confused at how it’d gotten in her backpack Katelyn opened it up, and pulled out the first note. It read:

                You really need to organize this pocket; I don’t know how you find anything in here my love. Smile today. Smile at everyone you see, sometimes people need a little extra love. Like you. I know you’re probably hurting Katelyn. I miss you as I’m sure you miss me. But I love you and I’m smiling for you. You’re gorgeous girl; don’t let anyone tell you different.

The paper fell to the table as Katelyn began to sob. She’d been given the notebook by her parents after Isabella died but she’d never found a note and had forgotten about it. Running upstairs she threw books left and right trying to find it. She searched frantically under her bed, ripped clothing out of her drawers, until finally she found it in her pile of stuffed animals. And that’s when it all started. She pasted it in, dated it, and then cried; cried for her sister, for herself, for memories. After that the notes appeared randomly and the day she found one was the highlight of her week. Even though it brought tears, it brought joy. She once again held a piece of her sister. Something that only the two of them shared. It was special and she wouldn’t have traded it for anything.

Katelyn got out of bed and walked down the hall. It was time to get back to her life. Finding the note today had been amazing. She had one note left to find, or one left to find her. She was excited and yet wasn’t going to rush it. The day she found it would be the end of something that she wasn’t sure she was ready to end yet. 19 notes, one for each year Isabella had been alive. She could wait for the 19^th one. The 18^th one couldn’t have come on a better day. She was now 16 and had her first date tonight. She knew her sister was looking down on her smiling. Standing under the skylight in Isabella’s old room she looked up and smiled back. Thank you Isabella, I love you too.