The Story of My Life

A New Blog

2012-01-03T19:53:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

I know I started a new photo blog and said this one would stay...and this one will stay up...just I'm not going to be posting on it anymore.
I like the layout and design of Wordpress better, its simpler to me, and since I already have 2 blogs on there to run, I want to just have my personal one over there too. That way I have everything in one place and its easier for me to keep track of it and hopefully keep it updated.
So, if you're a reader, or just passing through, head on over here to: Kay's of Sunshine because that's where I'll be writing out my life story from now on :)

Thanks for being awesome!

Kay

Finals

2011-12-09T19:09:00.001-08:00

Finals suck...no, you know what...they don't. If I had actual finals to take, I might be okay. But instead I have final papers and I'm not enjoying them. I have 60 pages of criticism to read and both papers have to be like twelve pages. Yes mom, I realize that they are due on Monday at noon, so that should be "I HAD to read 60 pages" but no, I was working on my two other papers, my IDD final portfolio, and my fifteen journal entries! It's not really procrastination, it's I don't have enough time in this world to do final work for 5 classes.
I'm waiting desperately for the end of this upcoming week. Even just making it through Tuesday, then I'll be happy.
Then it will be christmas shopping time!
And time to clean my room.
And time to move my desk down here.
And paint a picture.
And do laundry.
And...break isn't going to be long enough is it...

Is It Your Turn Yet?

2011-11-22T15:58:00.001-08:00

[Inspired by Andrew Peterson's lyric: "Let's go dancing in the minefields. Sailing in the storm".]

Is It Your Turn Yet?

I went dancing in the minefields,
Sailing through the toughest storms.
Now my shoes are blown apart,
And my sails are torn.
No longer strong enough,
No longer the one rescuing,
I need someone to rescue me.
Won't you come?
Come and lift me up?
Or will I be left alone,
Battered and bruised,
Always watching the light of hope,
As it passes me by.
Sitting stranded on my island,
As another ship sails past.
Won't you please stop,
Stop and see I'm not strong?
I'm broken and alone.
I was always there for you,
Is it your turn yet?

Sonnets by Kay

2011-10-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

I take a Shakespeare class, we were reading sonnets, then had to write our own. A sonnet is a poem marked by the rhyme scheme of ababcdcdefefgg, that follows the measure of iambic pentameter which goes ba-bum ba-bum. There are usually 10 syllables per line and a total of 14 lines.

Here's two that I came up with...not perfect by any means, but I was proud of them. Shakespeare didn't name his sonnets, and for now...neither have I.

Sonnet 1

They say the heart grows fonder with distance,

But they all forget to mention the pain.

Yet my heart beats steady with persistence,

For it knows, greater than the loss is gain.

I cannot wait to see your face, for then,

The pleasure is just indescribable.

Compare you; I cannot, to other men,

And to forget you, I am unable.

Your voice is like sweet jingle bells ringing,

The written word cannot do it justice,

My heart threatens to stop when you’re singing.

My dear, it really is the best there is.

I wait for you with baited breath my dove,

I’m sure nothing is as strong as my love.

Sonnet 2

I sit and watch the sunset from my roof,
Waiting for the moon, the one you share too.
I gaze at that sliver, sliver of proof,
Maybe you are that close, it could be true.
After all, we share the moon ev’ry night,
So we can’t really be that far away.
Desperately I hope that I am right,
Or there will be tears where my head once lay.
I am holding out hope for you baby,
Praying to God for you to be closer.
The only answer I get is maybe,
So I dream about all that could occur.
One day you’ll be mine, I am sure of it,
But now it’s that, to you, I must admit.

Remembering 9/11

2011-09-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

[My original article, before it was edited by QuadNews to only include Quinnipiac students or alumni because the others weren't "relevant". Not my decision, as I think everyone was connected by this tragedy and therefore an account from California is just as relevant as one from Hamden. But the editors are in charge, not me. So here's the original article since the one they decided to post is no where as good as it could have been. Thanks again for all your input.]

Kay Walker

10 years later we remember that fateful day; where we were, what we were doing, and how we felt.

September 11^th, 2001 was a scary day for every American. Waking up, thinking they would have a day like any other, Americans suspected nothing was amiss. Then quickly news reports began to flow in, TV reporters were crying, radios blared out announcements. Elizabeth Owens, of Hamden CT, remembers turning on her radio on an outing with her sons to the firehouse, “There was no music at all, just news…I thought that was weird!” American jaws dropped as they learned about what would soon be a horrible tragedy. Now ten years later, these moments are burned into their memories, never to be forgotten. The stark reality, the fear, the first reactions, those are what tell the real story of that fatal day ten years ago; a day to be remembered forever.

Rather than try to tell the story of what happened, as most every American already knows the gruesome and saddening details, I’ve compiled a collection of accounts from various people. Their initial shock and reactions will do the story telling. Whether having been woken up by the news, having heard it on the radio while at work, or being sheltered from it in school, everyone can recall that day with detail. Despite the fact it was ten years ago. As goose bumps rise up their arms while describing their memories, each person quiets in remembrance.

The older generations recall more. Their accounts are vivid and gripping as they explain when the emotion first hit.

“A phone call from a friend woke me up…As an architect; I couldn't even grasp the concept of a building that large falling…It was unreal.” James Fullton.

“Thinking that it was just a small propeller plane, I prayed that somehow, no one in the WTC would be hurt. Later, I felt so very, very stupid and so very, very angry with my seemingly futile prayer that “everyone in the tower would be okay.” I remember the rumors – the Sears Towers was hit, a school in New Jersey was bombed, the Capitol had been hit.” Jen Pluznick

"It was a glorious day - the sky was so blue - the blue that can almost hurt your eyes… I was listening to the radio; I will never forget the gravity in the announcers’ voice. I pulled over to the side of the road to comprehend what I was hearing - it was too much to process. I looked up and all along the emergency lane, there were cars pulled over just like me. You didn't know what it was, but you knew it as bad, really bad and that life as we knew it would never be the same.” Susan Shields

Many people gathered around their families, seeing the loss of so many on television brought home the reality that it could have been them. It could have been a loved one that perished on the plane or in the fire trying to rescue those caught under pieces of wreckage. Their first thoughts flew to where they had relatives or friends, if anyone was in danger, and whether or not to involve their children.

“I just remember it feeling very surreal, like I was in a dream or having a out of body experience...I remember driving home thinking this can't be real, and at the time I listened to country, so that was the station I had on. The tears were just pouring down my face...once I got home I was glued to the T.V. I had to decide if I should get my daughter from school. Then I thought, the best place for her was there, I didn't want her to have to spend the day worrying with me…” Amy Lindsay

“Took my sons to the firehouse for an outing and on the way I turned on the radio! There was no music at all; just news...thought that was weird! Fireman told us what happened! I went directly to West Woods School and picked up my oldest son, Jimmy! The whole school was going crazy! Parents picking up kids...We all wanted our loved ones with us...” Elizabeth Owens

Those around my age, twenty, have a much different perspective. Many teachers were told to keep the kids calm and keep the news from them until their parents could explain it to them at home. Others experienced the teacher’s distress and just had no idea exactly what was going on. My 5^th grade teacher dragged us all in front of the television and said, “The principal told us not to tell you. But this is history in the making and you all need to see this!” So we watched the news as they replayed the footage and the towers got hit over and over again. My teacher answered all of our questions as best she could. Some kids were crying, others could have cared less. I couldn’t wait to get home and see my family. Although it didn’t affect us the same as it did our parents or older generations, we children still knew something was wrong.

“I remember hearing things about a plane crash on my way to art class. And all the adults were freaking out. I remember seeing things on TV about police and firefighters helping and that a lot of smoke was everywhere and that it was a big deal.” Brittany Stafford, freshman at Gateway Community College.

“When I first heard that the World Trade Centers were hit, I didn't believe it. Until our teacher turned on our TV...I just remember seeing the building collapse and the smoke covering the TV...I was young and didn't really understand the significance”. Nick Dellamura, junior at Quinnipiac University.

“I didn’t really understand what was happening at school. But I saw my mom and dad crying and watching TV, and then I saw what they were watching and I don’t know, I just knew it was bad and a lot of people were dead. I watched the news for days after that, and I cried too because I was scared for the people I knew that were down there.” Bryan Burtis, freshman at Southern Connecticut State University.

“I remember feeling like something was wrong the entire day...our elementary school didn't share the news with us, but there was obvious distress among the adults. Getting home, my parents were glued to the TV but didn't want my siblings and I to watch. It was definitely scary since there was so much uncertainty as to what was going to happen next.” Scott Earl, junior at George Washington University.

“I didn’t have school that day so I went to work with my mom at her bank. I had no idea what the ‘World Trade Center’ was, I only knew it as the twin towers, and still didn’t know what they were. But I sat in the back and watched the news on TV, updating everyone in the bank about what was happening while they worked”. Matt Narel, junior at Quinnipiac University.

“I was in 7^th grade. We went to the sanctuary where the principal and the pastor of the church that my school was attached to told us about the attacks. We joined together in a circle around our sanctuary and prayed for all of the families affected by the attacks. Starting that day my history teacher had us start a 9/11 memory book by collecting newspapers, magazines, and internet articles. We worked on the books for the rest of the school year and it is still something I have to this day.” Jennifer Rehberg, Gulf Coast Community College.

"I thought that one of the teacher's mothers had become sick or died; they weren't allowed to tell us what happened, and left it up to our parents when we got home. I remember my dad telling me straight-up what happened, and I remember crying and running to the back bedroom.” David Zeppieri, junior at Marist College.

“I could not grasp the concept of a plane flying into a building so extremely tall and all of NYC in chaos. Words can't even describe that day and the events that unfolded one after another. Part of me is grateful I was too young at the time to really understand it. If it were to happen now while I am 22 it would be a totally different story for me. I know too many things.” Nicole Gentile, graduate of Quinnipiac University.

“A teacher came into class and whispered something to my teacher…instantly the tears began to flow from her eyes.”When you go home tonight," she stuttered amidst sobs that were racking her body, "DO NOT turn on the TV!" I wasn’t aware of what the WTC were...or what had happened. But I knew I wanted to find out. So I did turn on the TV...it was like I was watching a movie. My mom was upset, and explained that terrorists had attacked our country. She said that whether I knew what WTC was or not, I should pray for the country because it was an attack on the USA not just a building. That is when I understood. And that is when I started to pray.” Amy Walker, Paier College of Art.

No matter where they were, or what they were doing, life stopped for all Americans. I’m sure you have some memory of that day etched in your mind. Everyone was affected, no matter how near or far they were. On that dreadful day many lives were lost and many people were scarred forever. Now, ten years later, we stop and reflect. Looking over the time that we united ourselves, showing support for all the families of the victims of this tragedy. Remembering, how even in a time of sorrow, we stood strong and came out of it together.

A Different Type of Ceremony

2011-09-02T18:38:00.000-07:00

A bit over a month ago I was offered the opportunity to shoot my friends sisters Mehndi ceremony, and the next day of rituals. It was an amazing experience, and something I will be forever thankful for. It was quite a step out of my comfort zone. I was the only non-Indian on both days and that meant they were all speaking Indian around me. I of course, though pretty good at Italian, am mainly an English speaking girl, so I was completely surrounded by a foreign language. I loved it though. I could sit and listen to different languages all day, but enough of that. The chance to take pictures was awesome. I was a bit lost at first, as I didn't know what parts of any ritual was important (so we ended up with many pictures, just to be safe) but I got into it and quite enjoyed myself. I've compiled a few images from both days for your enjoyment!

The Undead Part 2

2011-07-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

After the cemetery we ran over to my school. There is a huge pine tree forest and we shot some pictures there which turned out to be quite a few of my favorites.
Main one is on Flickr, click for larger

The Undead Part 1

2011-07-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

As some of you may remember, back in October my siblings and I did a zombie photo-shoot. Actually on Halloween. Dressed up like zombies we took over the town all the whilst getting weird looks and odd stares. But hey, it was Halloween, you have license to dress up however you want.

I went through and edited some of these marvelous pictures last night, ones I had never gotten to, and I must say...it was tons of fun reliving the freezing October day when I got attacked by zombies ;)

This here Part 1 are pictures taken in the cemetery near my house (we were respectful, i promise)

*click to see larger images*

Fireworks 2011

2011-07-03T17:44:00.000-07:00

Went to the Hamden Fireworks the other night, they were delightful. We missed them last year due to a trip to Norway so it was nice to pick up the tradition again :)
It was my first year with a DSLR at them, so I had some fun taking advantage of the long exposure setting and trying out my luck at capturing a few good shots. I believe I was successful, do you? Click on them to see 'em bigger!

I put one on my Flickr (the main one I liked) and these are a few extra I though you'd like to see. in case you're coming from Flickr and not my facebook :)

Have a lovely evening my friends. Nature shots shall be coming up soon!

This was a top ranked fave also

Firework Bokeh!

The Finale!

Atlas

2011-05-02T19:42:00.001-07:00

The pressures. The expectations. They weigh down like the world upon Atlas’ shoulders. But I am not Atlas. I do not possess his strength. I let myself fall. The world of worry rolls down my arms, slides across my back. Picking up momentum it falls to the ground shattering with a crescendo of emotions. Pieces of it fly at me, piercing my skin. For that is all I am. Merely flesh and bones, nothing more. I plunge to the ground, crumpling into a heap besides my shattered world. How did Atlas do it, I wonder. How did he survive the weight of the world, of everyone bearing down on him? I figure my strength isn’t as impressive as his, but I like to think I had some. But even with what I did have, I failed. Pressures got to me and I gave in. Gave into the world.

A Dream

2011-04-15T20:18:00.000-07:00

[Im going to preface this by saying its straight out of my notebook. I wrote it in class. Basically while my teacher talked I took key sentences from what she was saying and made it into a poem of sorts. As she talked I wrote these lines. So it hasnt been edited, maybe it wont make sense to you, maybe it will. Idk. Then again its about dreams, and dreams are chock full of different meanings. So take it as you will.]

A dream is an image,

An insertion of the imaginary.

It is but a concept,

Whether or not it’s understood.

Your desires, pain, hunger,

Associated with visuals.

Psychoanalytical babble?

Or maybe scenes from the future.

No one really knows,

It’s all about perception.

An association between,

An image and a feeling.

Comfort, relief, pleasure,

Pain, anger, depression.

The unconscious,

Is the whole structure of language.

There is a system to language,

It gives meaning.

Meaning to the way we think,

The little reality we see.

One must pass at some point,

From imagination to reality.

But that world we leave behind,

Stays with us forever.

2011-03-27T17:19:00.001-07:00

He was little, he was plump, and he was blue. If you were sad he could sing a song to you. If you were happy he could sing along with you. He was always there to put a smile on your face. Always there to give you some cheer. But no one ever asked about him. No one asked if the little blue bird needed a friend. Needed someone to smile for him. He was taken for granted. He was often forgotten. You wanted a new pool so you cut down some trees. You cut down his tree. His nest he’d worked so hard to perfect. But he was okay. He sang his tears away. He took his time and built an even better nest. But then you got a cat. A cat to make the kids happy. He no longer had a safe haven in the backyard. Constantly on patrol, the cat claimed her territory. She stalked his tree, his better nest he’d built, his birdbath. The fear became too much, he lost his will to sing. You didn’t notice. You carried on with your life. One day the little blue bird got up and flew away. Sad tears in his eyes, he left his beautiful nest and the yard he’d called home since birth. One day too late you noticed you no longer heard his songs. His cheerful tunes were gone. In changing your life you’d changed his.

19 Notes

2011-03-06T19:15:00.001-08:00

19 Notes

Kay Walker

EN300

I don’t know when you’ll find this. I don’t know what the day is, how old you are, if you’ve entered high school yet, or if you’ve gotten your first kiss. Is your hair long or short now, have you grown into my old clothes? I’ll never know. And at times that may be the saddest thing in your life. At times you may feel you cannot go on, that you cannot live without me. But don’t think that. You are amazing, beautiful, and talented. And I know you will grow up and conquer this world. You will be become the best little sister I could have ever asked for. I may not be there in person to see this, but I promise I’ll be watching from up above.

The tear-stained paper was clutched in her hands. Rainbow colored nails pressed the words close against her chest. As if she could press hard enough and they would be transferred straight through to her heart. Tears slipped out of the corner of her eyes and rolled gently down her cheek. Each breath she took came in with a slight shudder and her shoulders shook as she silently wept. Opening her eyes she looked down and reread the note again, committing it to memory. Then smoothing it out across her knee she placed it onto the page. Right under the last note she’d found:

I love you, with all my heart. And I will never stop loving you. Never forget that. Remember that time we found the kitten and cared for it. We made a bed for it, fed it, and sang to it. I want you to know that I love you as much as we loved that little kitty that day. I want you to feel as warm and happy as he did lying in his bed with your stuffed Pooh. Remember the laughs we shared as he stretched his little paws and yawned? I want you to laugh like that again. Laugh like that every day. I’ll be laughing with you.

She taped it down, sharpied in the date, and shut the book. The cover simply said “I Love You Katelyn”. Katelyn smiled and wiped her tear-stained cheek. Flipping open the cover she read the first page that had already been memorized.

Katelyn,

First of all. I love you my little katiebug. I love you for how strong you are, how beautiful you are, and that you’re my little sister. I love that you look up to me, that you ask me to braid your hair and paint your nails. I love that we’re closer than most sisters are. I could have never imagined my life without you in it. And now, I know, I’m asking you to do the impossible. You’re going to have to live without me. I never expected to have to say that, and I know how hard of a task that is to ask of you. I know some days you will falter, you will yell out at God saying “Why me!?” but keep strong Katelyn. I know you can. Stand tall and be a big girl for mommy and daddy. Give them hugs and kisses for me every day. They will miss me just as much as you. Live every moment to your fullest and don’t forget to take chances. Fall helplessly in love, break some boys’ hearts, and learn everything you can. Don’t let your life stop because mine has katiebug. Remember those stories we used to tell when we were young? Of going to faraway places and seeing palaces and princesses? Well I’d like you to still do that. And then when you get up here, you can tell me all about it. I’ll be waiting for you. I know losing your older sister when you’re 14 is heart breaking and the world just seems cruel, but I know you’ll be okay. You are my sister after all. And we stand tall. I’ve left 19 notes around the house for you to read when you need a pick me up. When you need a little extra love. I’m giving you this book to keep a sort of scrapbook of them all. I know you’re artistic and can only imagine you’ll make this as beautiful as you. I love you Katelyn. Never lose faith.

Love,

Isabella

A fresh wave of tears slid down Katelyn’s face as she flipped through the rest of the book. She’d found 18 of the notes and had each pasted to a page with the date she’d found them. She didn’t go out each day and look for the notes; rather she let them come to her. Ella had been creative in hiding them. She hid them in places that wouldn’t be obvious and Katelyn was thankful for that. Having these little notes popping up unsuspected over the past two years had been one of the greatest things Katelyn had looked forward to. One was hidden in her favorite book, another in the pocket of a pair of jeans, and this newest one she’d cleverly tucked into her teddy bears clothes. Now only one remained. It was almost bittersweet as Katelyn closed the scrapbook. After the last was found she’d have nothing left to look forward to. This was something Isabella had predicted and was why she’d given her the book to keep them all. Having them to look back at whenever she needed them would have to be enough consolation. Katelyn placed the book back in her nightstand drawer and curled up on her bed. Drawing the covers up to her chin she closed her eyes.

Isabella was 17 when she was diagnosed with a severe form of bone cancer. At 18 she was declared terminally ill and her health began to rapidly decline. Katelyn was only 13 but she remembered it vividly. The trips to the doctors, the loss of hair, the months of bed rest. Having to be gentle with Ella and quiet around the house because she slept all the time. When Ella turned 19 they gave her three months to live. Katelyn was overcome with anger, sadness, and fear. As a 14 year old she had never experienced death but she knew what it was. She knew Ella was dying and that she could do nothing to stop it. When everyone was asleep at night Katelyn would climb up into her older sister’s bed and they would cuddle together. Looking up through the skylight they would watch the stars in silence. Sometimes Katelyn would ask Isabella if she was scared. Ella always said yes, but that she knew she was going to heaven, and that made it better. She would reassure Katelyn and they’d fall asleep holding each other. Those were Katelyn’s best memories with Isabella. They formed a bond that not even death could break. She grew closer to her sister in those three months than she’d ever been before. She learned things about her, her wishes, dreams, and fears that she’d never known.

When Isabella died in August, Katelyn cried for days. She was inconsolable and used to climb back into the bed and stare at the stars just like they used to. She’d hug her sister’s pillow tight and dream of the days when Ella was healthy. When they could run through the flowers, swim in the pool, and build igloos. She would remember their late night talks and run through them over and over in her head. Never would she have that older sister to run back to and tell all about her first date. She wouldn’t have an older sister to teach her how to put on makeup or bring her shopping for trendy clothes.

It took Katelyn a month before she could go a day without bursting into tears. And it was on one of those days she found the first note. She was eating her cereal before school and finishing some last minute homework. While scribbling answers across the lines on the sheet her pen stopped working. Digging in the front pocket of her backpack she searched for another pen amongst all the markers. Then her hand brushed against something. It was hard, metal, and most definitely not a pen. Pulling it out she was surprised to see a heart shaped tin. Confused at how it’d gotten in her backpack Katelyn opened it up, and pulled out the first note. It read:

You really need to organize this pocket; I don’t know how you find anything in here my love. Smile today. Smile at everyone you see, sometimes people need a little extra love. Like you. I know you’re probably hurting Katelyn. I miss you as I’m sure you miss me. But I love you and I’m smiling for you. You’re gorgeous girl; don’t let anyone tell you different.

The paper fell to the table as Katelyn began to sob. She’d been given the notebook by her parents after Isabella died but she’d never found a note and had forgotten about it. Running upstairs she threw books left and right trying to find it. She searched frantically under her bed, ripped clothing out of her drawers, until finally she found it in her pile of stuffed animals. And that’s when it all started. She pasted it in, dated it, and then cried; cried for her sister, for herself, for memories. After that the notes appeared randomly and the day she found one was the highlight of her week. Even though it brought tears, it brought joy. She once again held a piece of her sister. Something that only the two of them shared. It was special and she wouldn’t have traded it for anything.

Katelyn got out of bed and walked down the hall. It was time to get back to her life. Finding the note today had been amazing. She had one note left to find, or one left to find her. She was excited and yet wasn’t going to rush it. The day she found it would be the end of something that she wasn’t sure she was ready to end yet. 19 notes, one for each year Isabella had been alive. She could wait for the 19^th one. The 18^th one couldn’t have come on a better day. She was now 16 and had her first date tonight. She knew her sister was looking down on her smiling. Standing under the skylight in Isabella’s old room she looked up and smiled back. Thank you Isabella, I love you too.

What is Literature

2011-01-25T21:01:00.001-08:00

[Had to write this for class, we were asked what is literature, and just had to do a freewrite on it]

What is Literature?

Literature is that which can be read, but is not what is known as “leisurely reading”. When one reads literature they can be taken on an adventure, they can be taught a lesson, they can learn, but really I believe it lies in the openness for interpretation. This is the main difference between what we call “literature” and any other writing. Literature speaks to us, it is universal, there is always something the author is trying to portray, some point they are getting across. Whether it is a universal message or a lesson, they teach the reader. It is a form of human expression, an art.

Take “The Death of Ivan Ilych” for example. Now compare that to say a romance novel you pick up on your way through the airport. Ivan Ilych is literature. Something taught in school, something with symbolism, and themes. Watching him waste away to his death we saw him brought to a revelation about himself. He realized that his actions in society did no good for anyone other than himself. It was shocking and yet gave him a peaceful ending. Walking away from reading that book you’re left pondering. You might think about reevaluating the way you live your life. You think and you don’t forget the book right away. The characters stay with you for a while, because they are easily relatable. Then on the other side we have the romance novel at the airport coffee shop. It’s usually the clichéd romance; quick and easy leisurely reading, to be done on one plane ride. When you finish it nothing resonates in you, you haven’t come away with a better sense of the world or yourself. It’s what is called “genre fiction” and it’s nice while you read it, but you forget it once you’re done. The characters have no real substance. The plot flows, but has no real meaning. It’s not literature.

Its not just prose writing either. Literature can also be poetry. Like Robert Frost and Sylvia Plath. Who decided they would be literature, which person got to include them in the school curriculum, and why? Because their poems have a depth that not everyone can comprehend. They need to be read over and over again by scholars, students, and artists. There isn’t one meaning, one interpretation. It all depends on the reader. One may see it as dreadfully depressing; one may view it as a sad story with an uplifting ending. Either way these readers are finding meaning in the poem, they are connecting with it in ways that you just can’t possibly do with some other poetry. An angsty teen falls in and out of love, a person sees a red bird sitting on a tree, and someone else tries to find a rhyme with orange. These aren’t literature because their meaning just barely scrapes the surface. There is no deep connection, no human expression that the author deemed important enough to convey to their readers.

Literature can be many things, and maybe it is all things. Who are we to decide what literature is unless we can get into the minds of all the writers in the world. I’m sure many of them sit down to write and have some theme or meaning they start with that might just not be apparent to us yet. But in the end, we are left reading what the scholars have called literature despite the fact there may be much more undiscovered “literature” out there.

Writers Block

2011-01-22T21:23:00.000-08:00

I need someone to save me from myself.
Im the worst procrastinator in the world.
And for some reason I can not PHYSICALLY write this paper.
Dead serious. Like I can write this, and i wrote a 3 par long email.
But when i sit down to the paper...well lets just say I feel dumb, my mind goes blank.
I have one of six-eight pages done. And its not even good yet.
My gosh.
I despise my school habits.
They will change for this semester.
I promise, i've never actually promised that before.
Maybe it will work.
Its not like there is anything else to distract me anyways.
Im done with Facebook, and Flickr, and Twitter stuff.
I could go spam Matts Formspring, but i dont even have the motivation for that.
Gah.
Dude people, why are you here. Go look at my Flickr.
Unless you came from there, in which case go ask me questions on Formspring!
Im also sorry if i've been short with you, or rude, or ignored you.
Because I didnt mean it. Sometimes I get stressed.
I know right? Its rare you hear that.
But I do. And usually those near me feel it.
I <3 you all.

Regency and Ruched Knots

2011-01-17T19:33:00.000-08:00

Today we went bridesmaid dress shopping!
It was exciting, and fun. After some disappointment at the first stop we soon were overjoyed to find that Davids Bridal had exactly what the bride was looking for.
For those of you more interested in the dress click here: http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Spaghetti-Strap-Dress-with-Pleated-Bust-F14025_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Short-Bridesmaid-Dresses
and click on the color "Regency" and thats the dress :)
The shoes are champagne colored, with a "ruched knot" to match the gathering in the dress.
Overall I think they will be a beautiful compliment to the stunning bride on her day!

Im also wearing my retainer right now. Idk why, i just decided to. Its really tight, and its amazing how much teeth can move. maybe I'll wear it til the big day (May 21st) and then have perfectly straight teeth for the pictures :)

Speaking of pictures. The photographer might be my friend wooooot. That would be extremely exciting. Im not going to tell you any more details yet. Because it might jinx it or something, but yes. That'd be cool :)

Have a nifty night. Keep smiling :D

Blown out of the Water...

2011-01-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

You know how sometimes you sit down and for dinner say you'll have one thing then as soon as the waiter comes you make a split decision and order something else?
You know how you get up in the morning with plans to be healthy and go out and take a walk, but as soon as you open the door and feel the cold you turn around and sit in front of the fire instead?
You know how you have thoughts and ideas about a person and then something happens and all of that is blown out of the water?

Amazing really, how quickly your mind can change its mind ;) Im going to be taking a cognitive psych class in this up coming semester. I'm very intrigued by things like this. And last night one of those 3 happened to me. Guess and make it whichever you want. Because I'm not telling you :) Who knows who reads this. Oh did I give it away. No, haha. I could have lied to someone about one of those. You will never knowwww. Unless i already told you, and those people don't read this blog. Umm moving on...

Know whats great about the internet? Everyone can be connected. Know whats bad about the internet? Everyone is connected. I don't know who sees this, i don't know who sees my Flickr. All I know is who I am friends with on Facebook. So really you cant free your mind on the internet for fear of being exposed to everyone. For fear you may offend someone. Once upon a time my parents didn't read my Flickr. Now I know they do. So apparently do the parents of kids I babysit. And so does my neighbor. He took a day and read every single post I have ever written on here. Pretty unexpected, but surely welcome. Im putting it on the internet, anyone is welcome to read it. Not that I write anything people shouldn't see, but its good to know everyone does, so I can always remember to check myself.

I like being the kind of person who knows that she doesn't have to constantly check herself and remember who she is around though. The person you see when i'm at school, the person while babysitting, the person with friends or family. They are all the same person. I don't have to change how I act because the way I act is acceptable in every situation. Its nice knowing I can be myself without consequences.

So I started this blog post because I wanted to organize my thoughts and let out how I felt about something last night. But then ended up not even explaining it because I left it a secret and instead went into rambles about why I couldnt tell you. Okay, I'll tell you. It was number 3. And I thought I was doing well with my thoughts. With my perceptions of this person. Then it all changed, and any progress I had of going in one direction with my thoughts was completely blown out of the water. There. Have fun imagining the rest.

Im going to try and do this more. My mom writes little posts. So Im thinking if i didnt sit down to write so much, i could write simple thoughts, and inspirations, etc. Kind of like people use Tumblr. I dont want one of those. And twitter is only 140 characters. Maybe I should take my favorite tweets and share them lol. idk, it will be random. Story of my life, right? ;)

Have a great day! I hear there may be a luge ride in my future today.

Shards of Blue and Yellow

2010-12-08T09:15:00.001-08:00

[Another Creative Writing Story, not perfectly edited]

The bottle shattered as glass met plaster. He screamed, the sound ricocheting off the low sloped ceiling. I crouched in the corner, heart beating three times its regular rate, completely terrified. I’d never seen such raw emotion in my nine years on this earth. I covered my ears with both hands, clenching my teeth, trying to shut out the ugly sound as best I could. Still the profanities pierced through my defenses. I was trembling in fear. A lamp exploded three feet to my right as he chucked the cordless phone across the room. I launched myself sideways to dodge the bullets of blue and yellow ceramic flowers. Then it stopped. As the last shard of the lamp fell to the ground, the room became silent. It was overwhelmingly still after the destruction it had just seen. The room was still. Nothing moved. It was almost as if it was holding its breath. I, sitting amongst the rubble, held my breath as well. Looking up from my crouch I glanced around the room. It was in shambles. In the middle, against the couch, lay the crumpled form of my father. His body was shaking, yet I could hear no sound. I inched closer, afraid of a sudden outburst. The closer I got the better I could hear him. Faintly at first, then slowly growing in volume; my father was crying. Something I’d never seen him do before. He wasn’t just teary-eyed, he was full out sobbing into the cushions. Each sob tore through his body as he choked for breath. I didn’t know what to do. So I sat down silently in the leather arm chair, staring at the torn paper clutched in his hands.

If you knew me two months earlier, you would never recognize me now. I used to be an innocent little nine year old. I was living the glory days, or that’s how I saw them anyways. I watched cartoons in the morning with my dad, headed off to school, and then returned home to snacks with mom. Everything was wonderful. I had not a care in the world past what bedtime story I would read. Then, sometime around February, my mom started to leave home a lot more. I’d come home to a babysitter and a sticky note on the fridge saying “I owe you cookies”. I stopped waiting for the cookies long before the notes stopped. Her absence became a normal part of life, I got used to it. I was told she had extra work at the office. Occasionally I’d hear a fight or two between my mom and dad, but I didn’t think much of it. Until they caught me watching, then it became hushed whispers, often behind closed doors. I didn’t know what it was all about.

I learned I had to grow up, and grow up fast. I had to fade into the background, and learn to listen. I soon found out that my mom had a new friend. This guy named Carl. He sometimes came over when my dad was at work. I quickly learned my dad did not like Carl. He came home one day and saw them; then pretty much threw Carl out the door. I didn’t see much of Carl after that. Mom and dad stopped talking, I was silent, the house echoed with the quiet. I thought things might get better. There were no more fights, there was no more Carl, and I got cookies again. I thought we might get back to normal. That was, until my dad opened the mail today and I caught a glimpse of the one word that’d thrown him over the edge. Divorce.

Comfortably Numb

2010-11-18T20:53:00.000-08:00

[This is an overly dramatized piece of fiction based on an event in my life, written for my creative writing class. The characters in no way represent me or anyone in my family though. I am not suicidal. I promise]

I don’t like him much. He’s staring at me. Can’t people get a little privacy around here? It’s not like I chose to share my grief with the whole world. They are making me sit out here. Sorry if my tears are ruining your perfect day. I can’t control them. Yeah, that’s right, look away. It should be unnerving watching a stranger cry. Took you long enough to figure that out. I hope the rest of your day sucks because mine will. I was having a great day, I bet you were too. Now it’s been ruined, all because…

“Are you ready to go honey? Its time.”

Oh no, here comes the waterfall. Open up the floodgates. Call in the coast guard. Someone’s about to drown in tears. Mom, grab the lifeboats. You’re going to need them.

“Down the hall to the end. Room three, on your right.”

It’s a journey into the deepest, darkest part of the ocean now. I’m no longer drowning. I am fully submerged. I am soaked. I am the water. It seems to be all I’m made of. The tears just don’t stop. Yeah avoid my eyes doctor. Don’t take responsibility for what you’re doing to me. I get it.

“I’m really sorry…it’s the best thing to do, really.”

Yeah right. You’re really sorry? You do this all the time. You have to be immune to the grief. You know…this is the third one, the second that we’ve brought to you. You and I aren’t exactly on good terms right now. So I don’t feel your sympathy. It’s falling on deaf ears.

“Say your goodbyes. Then we will bring her out to you.”

Goodbye? How do you say goodbye to a best friend, a loyal companion, a family member. How can I tell her everything is going to be all right when you’re about to MURDER her. She doesn’t understand what’s happening. Look at those eyes. She’s terrified of this place. She won’t be able to die happy because she’s scared. Regardless, you don’t care, you just tell me it’s time to say goodbye. The decision has already been made. Goodbye my love. I hope you forgive us. No longer in pain you’ll be able to join Prince Caspian in cat heaven, go chase mice to your heart’s content. Oh I can’t handle it. I need to get away.

“I know its hard honey. But think about how happy she’ll be.”

I won’t know! She won’t know! She won’t FEEL! She’s dead. She’s gone. I was mean to her. I yelled at her for her constant meowing. And all this time she was trying to tell us how she felt. You may as well kill me with her. End both of our suffering. Since you keep saying it’s the “humane” thing to do, to end ones suffering.

“Here’s her collar. Keep it like your brother kept Caspian’s.”

Yes, so I can look at it EVERY day. I can then remember what I did to her. So I can cry myself to sleep when I see it before I go to bed. Okay, give it to me. One day I might be able to laugh, to remember the good times. But I have a feeling that’s far from now. I feel like there’s a hole in my heart and my tear ducts are broken. One would think you’d be out of tears by now. I feel empty…but they still fall.

“Would you like to pick the tree to plant over her?”

Would I like to? Yes. Can I? I don’t know. I can hardly see to walk. How will I pick a tree? I don’t even think you have a tree worthy of her burial mom. All these little saplings, representing life, as she lay dead beneath them. Don’t you get the irony of that? Am I the only one who sees it? You people are so insensitive, so calculated in your actions. Am I the only one who cares? Goodnight world. I cannot talk to anyone else.

“I understand what you are going through; do you need an extension on the paper?”

You understand? Then tell me YOUR sob story. Tell me exactly how it is you understand. I slept on it (barely), came to school, and I feel even worse now. An extension? Why. So I can sit and wallow in self pity for that much longer. So I have nothing that will distract me from the thoughts of her that plague my mind. No thank you, I don’t need your pity extension. I can get through this myself, as strong as I ever was.

“Do you need a hug? Is there anything I can do?”

Yes, I will take a hug. Because you’re my friend and you think you’re offering it out of kindness. But really, it’s only going to make YOU feel better. It makes you feel like you’ve done something to help. But really, what can you do. Nothing. You can’t bring her back; you couldn’t cure her of her cancer. You can’t fix the hole that now resides in my heart. I wish you could. But no, there is nothing for you to do. Once again, I’m all alone. I’m going to curl up in bed. Alone.

“Honey, are you awake?”

No, go away. I will lay here and pretend to sleep. Just so you leave me alone. Did you know she used to come in here? Every morning at 7am, without fail. She’d curl up with me in bed before I went to school. Now I’m left alone. I don’t have my snuggle buddy any longer. It will never be the same. She was here yesterday. In this exact spot. Warm, breathing, alive. We had no idea. Oh Black Beauty, I miss you. And I’m sorry. Amazing how in a span of less than 24 hours everything can change so drastically.

“Want to go to the movies? You need to do something.”

No I don’t want to go to the movies. But I will. It’s been a week. I haven’t seen my friends. I haven’t done anything social. Yeah I will come. No I will not enjoy myself. I will not laugh. I won’t even talk. It would have been better if you’d just left me to sulk in my room. I’m a killjoy in public. I was doing perfectly fine alone. I was happy. In a different sense of the word.

“Please talk to me. We’re here to help. Your parents are worried”

Hello doctor. My cat was murdered. I was an accessory to the crime. I don’t deserve to live. The end. Don’t make me step on that scale. We both know we won’t like what we see. I know I’m wasting away. I don’t care. I let Black Beauty waste away. Why should I be kept from understanding what she had to suffer through? Don’t even try to prescribe that medicine I see in your hands either. I need no sleeping pills. She got no pain killers. I will remove my option to avoid the pain for she had no such option. Besides, I’m beginning to enjoy the night. So much becomes clear when the world falls completely still.

“Honey, it’s not healthy! You can’t ignore everyone forever! We love you!”

Stop crying mom. You don’t care about what I’m feeling. You only care about my physical being. You can’t bear to lose me. You’re trying to prevent it. I couldn’t bear to lose Beauty, yet I couldn’t prevent it. I still don’t know why I’m alive. There’s nothing here I deserve.

“She’s coming around! Quick, get the nurse!”

Why are you yelling so loudly? Why am I in the hospital? Why didn’t you let death take me? He was right there. Grinning with those glowing evil eyes of his. I was attracted to it. I wanted to go. He was beautiful, he was an escape. I should have taken the final bottle of pills; I thought two would be enough. But you’re too fast mom. Too quick to keep yourself happy. You put yourself first. I would have been happy if you’d let me go. But you would have been sad. Now you will be happy and I’m back where I was. Unhappy. And alone.

“I’m Dr. Carol. We can work through this together, I promise.”

Oh boy. You’re not too good at this ma’am. If someone is at the point where they need a shrink, then they aren’t okay with trusting anyone, especially not strangers. So don’t make empty promises. I know you say that phrase to everyone. It’s been programmed into you. I know my story doesn’t really resonate in your heart. You went to school to learn how to sympathize with anyone who walks into your office. Coming here is useless. I’m useless. See, now I’m wasting my parents’ money. I’m a waste of space in this world. And you can’t help that, unless you let me go.

“Look honey, her name is Buttercup!”

Are you serious right now mom? You really went out and got me a kitten? And what were you thinking with that name! You can’t replace Black Beauty. Did you know I used to say “What’s up Buttercup” when she meowed at me. No? Well you should have been paying more attention I guess. Now I have another daily reminder, as if the collar wasn’t enough. There’s a new innocent kitten. An intrusion in my solitude. But I can’t blame her. Only myself, for not being able to accept her…I should really try harder for her sake.

“We are all happy to see you smile today!”

Yes Dr. Carol, I thought you’d say that. The path of least resistance, right? You’ll leave me alone if I smile, talk, make you think you’re doing your job. That’s what you want. So that’s what you will get. For now. Nothing like creating a semblance of peace. May as well make you happy. Then my parents will feel better too.

“I’m happy you came shopping with me today honey!”

Yes mother, I know you are. Why do you think I’m here? Like clothing can really make me feel better. Oh lets go get some new shoes, maybe some pretzel bites, yay! Not. Its more materialistic things. I get no joy out of it. Buy me what you want but you can’t buy me happiness.

“You coming out bowling with us, that makes me really happy”

I’m getting sick of that word. My shrink, my parents, now my friends. You’re all smothering me in your happiness. Like you think I will absorb some of it if it oozes off of you excessively. Well it’s not working. I don’t know if I can keep up this charade of happiness anymore when it’s the only thing you guys can focus on. You never give me a break from it. I thought it would work if you’d just let me pretend I was happy. But it’s not working for me anymore. I’m done with this. I can’t take it. I will never be myself again and you can’t fix that. Thanks for the effort. I do love you. But…

I HAVE BECOME COMFORTABLY NUMB

I found this journal, this recording of her thoughts, three days after she died. We were cleaning her room when I discovered it. It was in the false bottom of her bookshelf. The one that only I knew about. I can’t help but think she left it there so I could find it. I am the one who found her too. She hung herself. It’s been two and a half months. I still can’t get the image of her cold lifeless body swinging from that rope. It’s etched in my mind. Her baby blue eyes now empty forever of the life and laughter they’d already been void of for the past few months. I try to look back, see what we missed. Many say we should have been more cautious after the first attempt. But she went to the psychiatrist. She was smiling. She was even letting Buttercup sleep in her bed.

I rake through my mind day after day. My thoughts are accompanied by that gruesome picture I’ve been left with of her. Maybe if we’d just asked, asked her to talk about it. Let her grieve, let her be angry. Maybe if more time had been spent on her feelings and less on making sure she was happy every minute of every day. Maybe then it could have been prevented. But some say, with suicide, it’s a fifty/fifty chance. Either they have completely set their mind on it, or they want you to stop them. Knowing my sister, it was the first. When she used to get her mind set on something she’d stick with it. The first failed attempt wouldn’t have meant anything to her. It was merely a hurdle that she could easily clear. And based on these journal entries, she had quickly devised a new plan without hesitation. I just wish there had been some way to convince her that she didn’t have to stick with her plan for once; some way to reassure her that we did care. We cared more than just on the surface like she thought.

I feel like I miss her more and more from one day to the next. The smallest things in life remind me of her. Walking past the old barn near our house reminds me of childhood games we played in it. Hide and seek, cowboys and robbers, duck duck goose, just to name a few. Entering Starbucks I see us sitting where we sat every day after school, for an entire semester, as she tutored me in math so I could pass my class. Watching the kid’s lace up at the ice rink, I envision the first time she brought me to skate. I fell down so many times I was a walking bruise. I whined and complained. But she always helped me up and we started again despite my complaints. I wake up for a midnight snack and sit alone at the counter these days, an empty stool besides me as I drink my hot chocolate in silence. I miss the heart to hearts we had. She was the best big sister anyone could ask for.

Time heals all wounds they say. But I know there will always be times that I search for her to tell her my latest big news. There will be the momentous events in my life where I will want her at my side. My children will never know their aunt, and they will never have cousins. A stocking will always hang empty at Christmas, a place setting never filled. The grief will follow me every day. But I am hoping that the day I can finally laugh at a memory of her, will come soon. I’m hoping, one day, the picture I see of her will be full of life, smiles, and love.

Easy

2010-11-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

Easy is a relative term.
Easy is how I like my eggs. Over easy.
Easy is what I think of when i think of Staples. That was easy.
Easy is how I think of 2nd grade math homework.
Easy is not how I think of losing a friend.
It is not the first word to come to mind when a relationship is crumbling.
Easy soon after becomes hard. Very hard.
It becomes an evil word.
Wouldn't it "just be easier". NO i want to scream.
No it wont be easier.
It may be less stressful. It may make things 'go away'
It may be "easier" in the short term. But in the long term it becomes hard.
How dare you ask me if I want the easy way out.
I'm not a wimp, I'm stronger then that. I can handle it.
You can handle it.
We will fix this.
We will stand strong.
United we stand, divided we fall.

I Am You

2010-11-04T07:53:00.000-07:00

I wasnt in a depressed mood...but im trying to write out my nightmare. And every time i come away from that, i write something like this. im okay i promise.

Kill me now.

The words echo through my head as if on a repeat track.

Kill me. Do it now.

I don’t know where they come from. They invade. I can’t escape.

Just do it. What are you waiting for?

I look down at the knife clutched in my hand. Unsure of how it got there.

Clocks-a-tickin. You’re wasting time.

I glance at the clock. Its almost 9. I forget why that’s significant.

They’re going to find you. Holding the knife.

So what? Maybe I want them to. Maybe that’s what I’m waiting for.

No you aren’t. You don’t want them to take you back.

I don’t. They can never take me back.

Don’t over think it. You want this. You want to escape.

I think we’re past that. I’m talking to a voice in my head. I’m over thinking.

You’re just hearing the truth. You are hearing what you want.

Are you? Am I? What exactly am I doing with this knife?

JUST DO IT. Before anyone can stop you.

I can’t. I can’t do it. I’m not ready. I don’t want this.

Yes you are. Think of the relief. You’re waiting for it.

SHUT UP! I don’t need relief. I’m happy. I love my life.

Oh yeah, happy, says the girl with tears welling up in her eyes.

They aren’t tears of sadness. It’s frustration. Can you just go away!

I can’t go away…unless you go away. I am you.

Brian Part 1

2010-10-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

Took Tinas friend Brian out for a photo-shoot at Brooksvale Park.The colors were gorgeous, and despite him saying he couldn't pose, we got some great shots. I'm so close to being done editing but I need to sleep. Hence the part 1. Enjoy!

i love this one

and this one

and this one!

Tina in Leaves

2010-10-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

These are my extra pictures from the other day with Tina. Too many for comments, too many to spam. i figure you can all just look at them here. And if you dont know what im talking about. go check out my Flickr.

October 25th

2010-10-25T09:41:00.001-07:00

He’s coming. I know He’s coming. He knows I know He’s coming. I can feel it. The air is cold. He’s sent his frost demons ahead of Him. They freeze the warmth, the cheer, any happiness in the air. They prepare the way. They let you know He is coming. He knows that. That’s why He sends them. He has a flair for theatricality. He wants you to be shivering. Not everyone is always afraid. So this way He is sure you shiver. It makes Him feel like you are trembling for Him, because of fear of Him. But I’m prepared. I know about the frost demons. I’ve met them before. I was younger then. I was scared. But I got away. Before He could show up. Now it was time. I was ready. I wasn’t going to fight Him. I wasn’t going to be scared. I sit in my chair. My big comfy leather arm chair. I’m waiting. He’s coming. He’s almost here. It’s time. I begin to smile. I laugh. He won’t take me scared. I won’t be mournful. No. I was willing and happy. He’s here. I greet him joyfully. I close my eyes. I let Death take me back home with his frost demons.

Time is of the Essence

2010-10-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

Creative writing free write for class.
Prompt: Write about someone with a pathetic life.

I'm walking. Walking to work. Know why? Because I don't have a car. But that doesn't really matter, I haven't had a car in over a year. I usually ride my bike to work. My colleagues praise me for it. Say I'm so awesome for "going green". Truth is...I'm not green. If I could I'd buy one of those awesome gas guzzling trucks to strut my stuff in. But I just nod, accept their praises. Who wants to hear about an old sop whose car got repossessed, no one, that's who. But now I don't even have a bike. I parked it on the curb this morning, id forgotten my lunch inside. I ran back in and grabbed it off the counter. Came out and what did I see? My bike, in the iron jaws of a garbage truck. I didn't even know it was trash day. How does one forget trash day. I had a whole barrel of trash, sitting where my bike usually does in the garage. Ironic huh. But I had my lunch, no car, no bike, so i started walking. So now I'll just be a well fed guy walking to work, rather than a starving guy biking to work. That's just wonderful. Walking makes me hungry. I figure I can eat my sandwich now, save the rest of the stuff in the bag for lunch. But its soggy. Why is it soggy. The soda cap came off. great. Now I'll be the super green guy on a diet. Oh how the office will love me. I just had to go back and get that lunch didn't I. They aren't kidding when they say time is of the essence.

Just a Thought to Hold you Over

2010-09-14T17:48:00.001-07:00

You know, when I was younger I had a pretty skewed view of some things in this world. Like how much money was worth, how “hard” my school work was, but I also viewed relationships differently. Can you believe that I always thought it was the girl who was hurt after a break up. I never really thought about how the guy was feeling. In movies and books it always showed the girl running home, eating a tub of ice cream, and crying to all her friends. Guys were tough, guys didn’t care, they had other girls lined up. Well i’ve learned how wrong I was. I’ve met so many sensitive guys. In befriending these guys I now see their side, rather than only the girls side. I see their sadness after a breakup. Sure they might not be so forthright with their sadness, and many prefer to hide within themselves and not talk to anyone, but the pain is evident. Did you know seeing a guy sad is one of the saddest things i’ve seen. I think its because we’ve become so oversensitized to the sight of a girl crying, but since guys hide it, it strikes a chord in your heart that isn’t often struck. So in learning this one day I also learned that maybe I had to rethink some things, and you’d never believe how much bigger the world is when your mind is open to all the possibilities.

ps. new creative writing stories should be coming up

Welcome to Chilly Billy's

2010-09-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

This is a story I wrote for creative writing, its actually due tomorrow but you can see it today :) I have another one coming too that I already wrote, but you can see this one first because I like it better and its shorter.

Welcome to Chilly Billy’s

By: Kay Walker

A bead of sweat dripped down his forehead mixing with a tear as it stained his cheek. “Answer the question” he said slowly. His foe standing on the other side of the room said nothing. He needed answers and the man had them. The police had been called but after seeing no progress he had taken things into his own hands. Now he stood at the final hour, with his foe, in his own house. It had been an intense staring battle for the past few minutes. Neither had blinked or moved an inch. With determination in his step he advanced across the room towards his foe. He was waiting for a sign, to see a hint in his face. But both wore their poker faces well. Eyes still locked on his foe he reached out. Grabbing the closest thing to him he crouched into a striking pose. Then he saw it, a glimmer of fear in his foe’s façade. He had flinched unmasking the truth. He knew he had him now. With one swift motion he threw the object he had grasped in his hand. The glass punch bowl flew through the air and struck his foe square in the chest. Crumpling into a heap his foe let out a scream of pain. Glass shattered and crashed to the floor.

Dropping to his foe’s side he stared into his eyes, “I said, answer the question.” His foe, short of breath, lungs crushed by the blow of the bowl, handed over his cell phone and with a whimper pressed send. Sitting against the wall he listened to the phone ring, crossing his fingers, praying to every god he knew of. Holding onto that one last shred of hope he had. Then confusion filled his face as the earpiece was filled with a catchy little jingle. After the song he was welcomed to the answering machine of the Chilly Billy Ice-cream Shop, home of famous Billy the penguin. Billy’s voice, running through the shop hours, came out of the phone breaking what was silence except for the slam of a screen door.

As soon as he heard the word ice-cream he had dropped the phone, sprinting to the car. He hopped in and ignoring all rules of the road, sped towards Chilly Billy’s calling 911 on his way about the man in his house, the police could take care of him. Nothing could deter him from his mission. Without incident he arrived at the shop, only to find it locked. Looking around quickly for a blunt instrument he found none. So instead he backed up a few feet and then went crashing right through the glass door. Once again the sound of glass shattering pierced the silence. Shaking himself off as he ran he frantically checked all the doors, cabinets, and freezers. Nothing. Then he opened the door leading to the basement. Faintly he thought he could hear a TV, or a radio, something playing music.

He hurled himself down taking three steps at a time only to find another locked door at the end of the hallway. But he was certain now this was from where the music was coming. There was a cheerful song playing and then out of nowhere, a peal of laughter that was quickly silenced. This spurred him on. Looking around he spotted a key ring in the corner over a computer. Now the only problem would be finding the right one. He fumbled with the keys trying one after another. Tears were still streaming down his face, making it hard to see. The seconds dragged on feeling like hours, until finally, one fit. He shoved the final key in and turned.

Closing his eyes he opened the door. Slowly opening them with dread in his heart he saw her. Sitting comfortably in a recliner, with tubs of ice cream around her and a spoon stuck in her mouth sat a young girl. The songs were coming from the TV where a Dragon Tales episode played. Looking up she smiled, no trace of concern on her face, only trails of ice cream dripping down her chin as she said, “Hi Daddy!” Then turning back to the TV she burst out in more laughter as one dragon hit another on the head. As tears of fear changed to tears of relief he scooped her up into his arms. Hugging her until she struggled to get down he cried, for the fear he had lived in for the past 12 hours had finally come to an end. She was safe and sound in his arms. Then sitting down on the recliner together she settled into his lap and snuggled up to him. He knew he would never take this for granted ever again.

Untitled...

2010-09-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I really just feel the need to write a blog post. And when I get here I dont know what to write about. I just know I need to write.

My mom and dad are sitting out on the rocks right now. Its cute. They are just sitting next to each other staring into the distance.

I have a text message waiting for a response, it keeps blinking at me. But you know...i really have no answer for it. I have no real feeling to put into it and I dont want to force an answer, I dont want to reply with some fake interest or happiness. But if i dont reply the recipient will wonder why. they will over think it more then they probably do over think my answers. Funny how we get caught in these situations where to be kind, to be socially accepted, we have to be fake. Because yes, i will answer it. and they will be happy, and i will still feel nothing.

My coloring book is sitting next to me. It has a half colored bunny on the page. It will probably remain half finished for a while. Just like many things in life. I cant count on one hand how many things I have that are unfinished. For some thats a good thing, for some its expected, for some its never ending and i hate it. When you can finally complete something, Tie up loose ends, And put it behind you, thats when it feels good. when you've put together another puzzle piece of your life.

well i have to go rescue my cousin...out of a situation he got himself into. so yeah...i guess thats the end. the end of the beginning. no its just the middle. its another never ending thing. this succession of blog posts. and its one i am okay with.

Its a Word Train

2010-08-16T22:37:00.000-07:00

I like things that are soft, my hair is soft, you know what else is soft? bunnies. you know where they have bunnies? brooksvale. did you know you can adopt them? i think when i am married, after i have kids, i want to adopt. i think i need to get married first. to get married i need to have a boyfriend. to have a boyfriend i need to find a guy i like. you know what i do have that i like? peanut butter. in little to go cups. its convenient. you know what else is convenient? a convenience store. i like stores, i need to go shopping. its tax free week. we are going to go back to school shopping. oh back to school...its so soon. 2 weeks...a little less perhaps. a little less then 2 weeks will be tinas birthday. she will be 17. thats weird. im 19. i dont feel like it. i dont feel like cleaning my room. but if i dont my mom will get mad. my mom is a loud mad, my dad he is silent but deadly. you know the deadliest shark is a bull shark? i learned that on shark week. i dont like sharks much but they are pretty awesome. you know what else is awesome? pinatas. especially those made by your cousin for adults. it has wood inside it to make it stronger. we had to use an ax handle to break it. then the candy was all shattered haha. i like ax's. you can chop trees, or well wood. i find it fun. but it tires you out pretty fast. what else tires you out you ask? rambling on for an entire paragraph. haha. just kidding. i dont mind it. you knwo what i do mind? headphones in your ears. and ive had some in for at least an hour. i only spent 20 min of that hour actually listening to anything. now they are just sitting there. you know where i dont like to sit? at the doctors office. i have a doctors appt on thursday. for my asthma. its to test how much my meds are helping me. pain meds make you loopy. i had my wisdom teeth out last winter. apparently i had a full conversation with a few different people on fb, i didnt remember anything i said but they said it was enjoyable. you know what else is enjoyable? hot chocolate on a cold snowy day. but im not ready for snow yet. im enjoying my sun. you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. yes i love kids songs. they are so awesome. just liek babysitting. its my job. i should have done a major like child psychology. but qu doesnt have it. i learned about this writing thing in pshycology. oneto was the best teacher. he was funny and interesting and taught me all kinds of things. ive been taught though that people dont always want to read everything you are thinking about. so im thinking i will end this thought train now. choooo choooooo

Just Look...Up

2010-07-20T22:44:00.001-07:00

Have you ever looked up, out of curiosity. Not because you heard something, or because someone pointed. But just because? Have you ever looked up and wondered not only what's beyond the great expanse of sky but about what's right in front of your eyes?

I have, and I do. Not a day goes by in my life where I don't stop and just...look up. Whether it be the clouds, the birds, an airplane, or the moon, there is always something to admire. Something you can see as steadfast. The sky will always be there giving you something more to see everyday, no matter how life is going at the moment.

So, when life has you down, or even if you happen to have a moment to yourself, just look…up.

Crash Diets

2010-06-03T22:19:00.001-07:00

Am I allowed to ask why.
Am I allowed to think I'm wrong
That maybe just maybe I'm overreacting
That maybe its a slight oversight
You’re not avoiding or ignoring
merely just haven’t gotten to anything yet.

You know how people go on crash diets
They never eat
Then eat everything when the diet ends
And gain back everything
Then the people who eat small steady meals
Are the ones who benefit.
I’m thinking of this in the same way.
You’ve put me on a crash diet
Its not helping.

I know you will be leaving
I know you think thats hard
But do you think this isnt
I dont quit cold turkey
Its not how i work
Never has been
Never will be

Perspective

2010-06-02T18:12:00.000-07:00

Perspective is a funny thing. It can change drastically. It can change rapidly. It can change things in ways you never imagined. It can be as simple as wearing only one contact (which Tina is quite the pro at doing) which changes your perspective in terms of depth perception. Or it can be as complicated as if you put yourself in someone else's shoes, looking through someone else’s eyes, and seeing a whole new world of possibilities. You can think, feel, and experience things you’ve never thought to explore before.

A few nights ago surrounded by the “neighborhood gang” I sat back. I was observing. I was viewing the group as an outsider. Simply because I wanted a different perspective. I wanted to see what we would look like to someone who wasn't part of our group. Its then I was able to group, categorize, and form views about each person. A group of guys sat to the side talking about various topics. Such as sports, guys at school, music, etc. Two girls sat on the other side texting their friends. They giggled, laughed, and held side conversations. In the middle sat a boy and a girl. They talked about their strengths and weaknesses. It went deeper than the boys on the side. Then in the middle was me and another guy. Even as I watched, I observed myself, and my “group”. We talked about books, college, writing, music. Then throughout the night I zoned in specifically on the individuals. I found those who were also watching, watching certain people, thinking themselves unnoticed. I found the one who wanted to involve everyone in a conversation. I found the one who floated between all groups, easing tensions, making people laugh. Fitting everywhere yet not really feeling at home. Its all very intriguing to me. And just taking the perspective of an outsider gave me the ability to really get to know my friends. It gave me a chance to see who they were when they weren't trying to be someone for everyone around them. Who they were while they thought no one else was watching.

Another perspective that has changed for me is my view on life, on how I spend my free time, on what “busy” is. Some (or all) of you may know that I haven't had internet for almost 2 weeks. At first it was disheartening. However would I survive without my many vices such as Email, Facebook, Flickr, Formspring, etc etc. The list can go on and on and on. But then slowly, as the days passed, I realized that after a quick 2 min check in at a Panera, or using a siblings computer, I was fine leaving it behind. Sure I miss the fb chat with my friends who i don't talk to in other ways of communication. I miss being inspired by pictures on Flickr. But its not unbearable. I read 5 books. I am beasting at Solitaire. I cleaned my room. I did things that needed to be done. I had been complaining about how busy I was when in fact I wasn't as busy as I could have been. Just the computer was taking over my life. I would log on when I woke up, keep it up whenever I was home, then be on it all night til i felt tired. these past 2 weeks I experienced the true meaning of busy. The first week I babysat EVERY day. It was intense. Sometimes with more than one job a day. Then every day this week I’ve been renovating my sister’s and soon to be brother in laws condo with my sister. Its hard manual labor and I'm enjoying waking up and going to do something productive!

So although I am waiting for it to be returned. I think I'm a bit changed from this experience in perspective. I learned what my priorities are in life. I've learned with a clean dose of perspective that maybe a life lived on technology isn't the healthiest thing for you. So if you are reading this right now and you've been on the computer all day I urge you to go read a book, take a walk, find some friends and have face to face contact. Trust me. Its enjoyable and you don't want to get to the state where it becomes a foreign territory.

Perspective can be a funny thing sometimes. You never know what it will show you. Maybe it will just give you another viewpoint to see what's right under your nose.

Writings of A Melancholy Heart

2010-05-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

Its a long story, but its how i get the emotions out. I have random writings everywhere. Maybe here is a good place to get them out. idk yet. But heres what i wrote tonight. When the emotions are too much, when they overflow I shut off my brain, and I just feel.

You Need Only Accept It

Im letting you go.

Im giving you space

Im giving you time

The best way to help is to wait

But im hoping when youre ready you will come back.

But for now id like you to hear this:

Why don’t you tell me a joke?

Where did all the humor go?

Why do I feel like I need to cry?

I thought I was a friend

I thought you trusted me

I thought you accepted me

You’re too used to being alone.

You no longer let anyone in

So I stand on the outside

Begging for you to open the door

Asking that you invite me in

You need only accept me

Its all up to you now

I cant force you to do what you wont

I cant make you feel something you dont

But I know there is trust between us

I know I can help you

You need only accept it

Im here offering myself to you

My help

My heart

My love

My trust

You need only accept it.

I wont desert you

I wont let you down

I promise it on my life

Theres nothing to be scared of

I open my arms for you

You need only accept them.

Roman Fever Rewrite

2010-04-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

11th grade I had this assignment. Read the short story "Roman Fever" by...i forget who, i will look it up later...And rewrite it from a modern perspective with males as the main characters. That was the extent of the instructions. Pretty much after that was up to us and our imaginations. So i took the basic ideas of 'Roman Fever" and came up with my own story. I was going through old documents and came across it. Thought you might like it.

[apologizing again for lack of posts, i have been busy and tired, you can still check out flickr though]

In matching plaid pants with dark green and khaki colored sweaters stood two middle-aged men. One steps forward and grabs a shiny club from a case of many. He walks towards a ball on the ground and lines up his club, the ball, and the hole. With a graceful swing he hits the ball, launching it into the air with a perfect arc. It lands and rolls into the hole with a plunk.

“Nice one old man. Remember what you used to be like back in the day. You couldn’t play for your life.” Remarked Chester with a chuckle.

“Hey, you weren’t much better Chester. At least I had all the girls watching me; they couldn’t see you as you chased your ball fifty feet off course.” Harold countered.

After finishing their game the two men moved over to a bench under a nearby tree. The shade from the tree covered the bench and a slight breeze was blowing through the leaves. The taller thin man leans back and settles himself into his seat. Sitting on the bench the two men contemplated the scene before them, young and old alike, men throughout the course played the greatest pastime of all time, golf.

“Remember when we were 18 and playing on this golf course with the big players for the first time Chester? I feel like it was just yesterday.”

“It’s been a few good years since then huh, we’ve been through quite a bit together.” Chester replied.

As Chester looked at everyone playing happily he began to remember those good times, and then what else they had been through. It had been almost 12 years since Harold’s wife had passed away and about 14 since his had. They had all met at a golf championship when they were 20 and had connected right away.

“Hey Harold…remember when we first met?” Chester inquired.

“Yeah, how could I forget it? It was the first time I met Katherine. I knew right away she was the one for me, and you met Julie. It was fate that we all ended up at the same place on that beautiful day. You don’t get many days like that anymore. I will always remember it.” Harold responded.

“Yeah, the youth these days take everything for granted; they don’t appreciate what they have at the moment. It could be gone at any time.” Upon saying this Chester relapsed into silence.

Harold looked at him and realized what was going through his mind. He began to think of his wife Julie. She was a charm; you couldn’t find anyone else like her. She was a handsome woman with a great sense of fashion. Wherever they went people would watch her as she walked by them with grace and elegance. Katherine, Chester’s wife, was also fascinating. She could have the shyest people talking and laughing with her like they had known each other for their entire lives. She was always the life of the party. It was really a tragedy when they both lost them to sickness. Looking at Chester, Harold began to really see him for what he was without his wife. He was quiet and shy. He never partied anymore and rarely talked to his old buddies. Harold believed himself to be one of the only ones he did talk to still and that’s just because they shared a love of golf.

“Hey Chester, are you just keepin’ me around because I play golf?” Harold questioned.

“Why would you say that? Of course not, you’re my old buddy. I like to hang out with you; ya know spend some quality man-time together.” Chester said to Harold.

“I was just thinking about our wives and about how ever since Katherine died you haven’t been the same. I’m like the only one you talk to and you never go out anymore.” Harold remarked.

“I’m out right now aren’t I?” Chester responded

“But it isn’t the same, because we always go out on Sunday afternoon to play golf, we have for as long as I can remember.”

“Are you trying to say I don’t like coming out with you Harold? I mean I could go home right now if that’s what you want!”

“No, no, no I just meant that…oh forget it Chester, we’re like old geezers fighting over a chess game. I’m sorry. I understand what you went through and I’m sure you’re still saddened by the thought of your wife, just like I am.” Harold said with an apologetic glance in Chester’s direction.

“It’s okay old sport, and who said I was sad, my wife told me before she died that she didn’t want me to stop living just because she did.”

“But…you’re not following her directions, so how are you not sad?”

“ Hey, you’re the one who said I never go out anymore, and I am following her directions,” He said as he glanced down at his watch, “as a matter of fact I have to get going now.”

“Where are you going?” Harold demanded.

“To go see my lady friend of course.” Chester said with a grin as he sauntered away, across the green golf course.

Harold sat back on the bench with a bewildered expression upon his face as he realized that, in actuality, he didn’t know his old friend as well as he thought he did.

If I Were A Duck

2010-03-31T19:58:00.001-07:00

If I were a duck,
I would soar through the sky,
I would splash in the puddles,
I would quack at the humans,
I would feel at home in the rain.

If I were a duck,
I would eat all the bread crumbs,
I would preen my feathers smooth,
I would cuddle in my nest,
I would feel at home in the rain.

If I were a duck,
I’d have no care of money,
Nor of time.
I’d have no care of clothing,
nor of personal hygiene.
I’d be carefree,
I’d be happy.
I would feel at home in the rain

I wrote this because of all the rain we’ve been having. I wrote it while in physics class actually. As we talked about intercepting wave patterns. Yep…good lecture :) haha. I needed a new blog post and this makes me laugh so enjoy your day :D

365 Challenge

2010-03-01T18:14:00.001-08:00

I’ve been absent. I know. I apologize. Its been busy. Very busy. I’ve got school. Coming up on midterms. I’ve got babysitting. Gotta save that money for Norway this summer. I’ve got wedding planning. Only a few months til June. I’ve got funerals. Two in two weeks. (oh and my fish just died but we didnt have a funeral for him). I have also been doing this thing called The Flickr 365 Challenge though. The point of this challenge is to grow as a photographer. You take a picture a day. Not just going out and taking a picture of whatever you happen upon but kind of planning it. So I should put more thought into this. If I can take a picture a day that is usually thought out, then write a description I should be able to write a few paragraphs for you guys. But if you are feeling Kay-withdrawal because I'm not keeping up with this and you want to see something from me then you can always head over to my Flickr page. www.flickr.com/photos/kaywalker I'm only on day 17 so feel free to catch up :)

So guess what I love. Sun, spring, wind. Today was one of those sunny windy, reminds you of what spring is days. I took Tina out and we made our rounds at Brooksvale. The wind was a bit chilly at times but 659 pictures later we were more then satisfied. We headed out to a wake then to Chili’s for dinner. Now I have to sit through all these pictures, see what’s good, what’s not. I think we may have a few stop motions in the works. Which, if i do, will be on Flickr or Facebook. If you have a care to see I could always inform you of those as well. I know this isnt an amazing blog entry or anything. But this is my way of bridging that gap between the last one and what will soon become, hopefully, a more steady stream of entries. Off to the pictures I go. Have a wonderful evening.

Oh and that guy who reminded me of my lackluster blogging that you should all be thanking and reading: Jacob the Awesomest Kid Ever

~Kay

Feels Good

2010-01-19T08:56:00.000-08:00

So I am back on the QU campus and I must say it feels good. I had the perfect amount of break. I was just starting to hit that boredom feeling this weekend and I am ready to get back into the routine of school. This may shock some of you but i am looking forward to having homework to do. It makes me feel like I am actually doing something productive. And I like getting my brain to think.
Today is Tuesday which mean I have only 1 class. Physics. At 2pm. Til 3:15. Then maybe I will see some friends. Then I tutor Then delivering supper to a couple who just adopted 4 kids. Then perhaps some babysitting. Back to my busy days! :) And i am not sad about it, I am quite happy my days will be filed again. I've still got weekends. And apparently time enough to write in this blog haha. But once the homework, and tests, and projects start up I may not have as much, which is why you've gotten 3 recent entries. Because I dont know the rate they will be coming til about May.
Im like 2 hours early. Didnt really have to come til 2 for my class but i wanted to scope out parking so i came earlier. I see i may have some problems on Thursdays. I am supposed to babysit til 11, which means i would be getting here at 11:20ish depending on traffic. then i have a class at noon...sooooo seeing as how 11 is the hardest time to park...its gonna be interesting. But so far this year I have had great parking luck. Even today, with a completely full lot as the sign said, i had the luck of getting the 2nd spot in the second row. which is pretty impressive i must say :)
Well ima go browse me some Flickr now. New pictures of Tina are up. Im trying to take pictures every day to get into the habit of workin of my photog skills.

*Peace*Love*Photography* (courtesy of facebook flair)

Kay

What Now...?

2010-01-18T11:56:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to do with this blog. I love my pictures, I love to ramble, but I also like to keep people up on my life. Idk what to do though. I read a blog such as Jacobs and he always has something witty to say, even my mom mulls over deep thoughts sometimes, or brings to light a concern. I feel like mine is more a journal entry of what I did in the day, or at least recently since I don’t write every day. I read Jacobs and wish I could write like him but that's his style, not mine. I know everyone has a different style, I just don’t know if i have found or accepted mine yet. So bear with me while I work through this.

Well the other day my sister and I were pretty bored after having skated on a pond for over an hour. So we called up some neighbors trying to find an adventure. And find an adventure we did! We went out to Lake Wintergreen to take pictures. Before we knew it we were actually traveling all the way across the lake. Walking across the ice was awesome and I got some beautiful shots. I was very pleased with how our adventure turned out. Here are a few shots from the day:

I wish I had more inspiration for photos, I mean I have ideas I just have troubles posing people. So Kyle is great and poses himself but other times I am kind of at a loss what to do. So the first new projects I will be doing is those with inanimate objects :)

Tomorrow is a day off school. Who knows what kind of adventure we may happen upon. I cant wait to see. And sorry for those of you who have a Facebook and hear repeats of stuff when I write it on here.

On another note I would just like everyone to know how proud I am of myself. Remember when I said I procrastinate about laundry? Well in the past 2 days I completely cleaned and organized my room, caught up on a good amount of laundry and actually hung and folded everything! I was so happy and my aim is to live 2010 a more organized person. I’ll keep you updated how far I get on that one…

Fact of the Kay for the Day: I love music boxes. Its a newly discovered love. I guess I always have been attracted to them but I was just listening to one the other day and with all its simplicity I could listen all day. :)

“What's the best day to tell someone horrible news?…Yesterday”

~KAY~

Hiatus

2010-01-10T20:14:00.001-08:00

So I took a brief hiatus as you can see. It was crazy holiday time which meant insane babysitting and seeing friends and family and snowy days spent outside, etc etc. I just got a comment though on my blog which reminded me its been a while and i owe it to my few readers to keep up to date. So in the first line of business: I went to Poughkeepsie, New York this past week and it was so much fun! Great photo opp too. I took lots of pictures. They are on my fb or a few are on my flickr: www.flickr.com/photos/kaywalker. So check it out if you feel so inclined.

I am supposed to be heading to bed now…i have to be up early to go babysit. its an all dayer…does that work? you can say all nighter but how do you say it if i am doing it all day and “all day” is too boring or not in the right tense? Idk…oh well, i like to make up my own words, its good for the brain! haha. I am in a rambling mood, which is great, since I am writing a blog of course. Oh guess what, that other story I said i would upload…well i cant, cause i cant find it. I will try to remember most of it to share it with you guys, its shorter then the previous one though. Which will probably make some of you happy to hear.

I went ice skating yesterday. I wish I were better. Its the one place i cant stand kids, well maybe the one other cause i think i mentioned in my other post about a place I don't. anyways. they zoom in front of you and when you’re not an amazing skater that can be prettttty dangerous…for me, not them. My sister got yelled at for texting while on the ice haha. Just like driving, keep your eyes on the ice people!!

I wrote a poem for my friend today, its this cool thing we have going, where we write poems back and forth. Paste em on fb. I do it with a story too with my sis and Liz. Its fun, but 3 people is harder to keep track of then 2. Ok enough of the rambling, I need sleep.

As far as my parting remarks go I just want to say:

1. Thanks for continuing to read although these posts lack some inspiration sometimes.

2. I wish you the best for this new year, I hope we can all make it out alive! I sure do plan on it! Where there is a will there is a way! (wow lots of exclamations! haha)

3. Eat your meat! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat you meat??!! (Pink Floyd quote incase you didn't know)

4. A poem, for you:

Farewell for now,
Sending my love,
I take a final bow,
And fly away like a dove.

~Kay~

Storytime

2009-12-15T21:57:00.001-08:00

*I am apologizing in advance for the length of this post*

So as some of you may or may not know I love to read books. I love to read to children. I love children's books specifically. I will read them to myself while a child ignores me, i could care less that I am a teen reading a toddlers book because I love them. But I also like to tell stories to said children. It is quite fun and they seem to enjoy it too. But there is this one person that I also tell stories to. His name is Chris (one of the most awesome guys i know) and although he admits he reads “most of what I write”, he does read and like my stories. He is my inspiration for many of the stories in my head. When talking to him, and only him, i get the urge to tell a story. I will just start off with “Once upon a time…” and then just make up a story. I will just type and basically he is finding out what happens next at the same time I am. None of them are planned, they just flow out my fingers onto the page. Tonight, after telling him a story I decided that maybe I should share them with you fellow bloggers out there. I daresay you do need to be somewhat creative at writing to have a blog. So here is the story I wrote for him tonight. Oh and on a side note, almost every single one ends with a moral haha, it must be the fact that most children's books do too :) So here is story number 1…no name yet…maybe you have a suggestion? and i would also like to note they are the raw unedited ones he got, fresh out of my mind. They are not fleshed out, and could use some editing, which i may get to some day but they are basic storylines. Enjoy :)

Once upon a time a girl lived in a land of sherbet. Every morning she woke up and opened her eyes to a frosty windowpane. She would make a clear spot with her warm breath and peer upon the deliciously colorful terrain of beautiful sherbet. It was a chilly, frosty wonderland of an icy delicacy. Having lived there all her life though she was pretty immune to the cold, it was just a part of her life and she couldn’t imagine it any other way. She would walk down the lane with her spoon, passing fellow neighbors with their spoons and they would choose their morning treat. Near the large orange tree in the middle of town was a pile of freshly harvested orange sherbet. Near the grape school were piles upon piles of grape sherbet. Standing next to the lemon grocery store was a fresh batch of lemon sherbet. But the most popular and beautiful mound was that of the rainbow sherbet. It was a luscious mound that towered over everything at the end of the crystallized lane she walked upon. There people from all over the town could be found having sherbet ball fights in the middle of tasting each and every color of the rainbow. It was an amazing world to live in, imagine having sherbet every day! Everyone was happy because who isn’t when surrounded by a world such as this. All they needed to make it even more perfect was unicorns.

One day the girl and her friends overheard someone having a discussion about these unicorns over afternoon tea with their sherbet. Wanting the best for the town they decided to make everyone even more happy by going to find those unicorns. They set out on an adventure encountering more worlds then they could have ever fathomed. They passed through chocolate chip castles, sugar cookie cottages, and candy cane lanes. Finally they reached the end of the fantasy worlds and there they found unicorns. They were hidden among the sugary gumdrop trees in the forest of candy land. The girls set out rounding up a group of 12 or so then they headed back to Sherbet land. Upon their arrival they were greeted with cheers because everyone had heard of their endeavors to make this a perfect world. They were more then happy to finally have those unicorns, they would make everything complete. The girl and her friends were carried down the crystallized lane to the rainbow sherbet hill upon a frozen block of sherbet. It was a joyous time for all. Sherbet was shared and enjoyed by everyone as the festivities raged on.

The next morning, after a refreshing sleep the girl woke up, looked out her frosty windowpane, and gasped in horror. The piles of delicious sherbet had be demolished. Where there were once mounds of the yummy stuff there were little puddles left. She left her house and headed down the crystallized path. Slowly others began to awake and come out of their houses. People all up and down the lane were gasping and crying and shouting because of the dismal state of their town. The girl could not believe it. Neither she nor anyone in the town had any idea where the sherbet had gone. Then she looked over to rainbow hill and saw the 6 unicorns! They were munching on the sherbet like it was their own gumdrop trees. They had been awake all night and wreaked havoc on the towns piles of sherbet. Everyone charged at the unicorns once they realized they were the source of the trouble. They were mad, but they were not mad at the girl and her friends. She had only tried to bring the complete happiness that everyone had craved. They had all encouraged her. They were all at fault for being so greedy. Finally a group of adults took the unicorns and returned them to their proper home in the gumdrop forest. The townspeople made a quick decision to ration their servings of sherbet until it all the sherbet was replenished and the town went on its merry way, no worse for the wear.

As the little girl looked around she realized that you should be happy with what you have because you don't know how good you have it until its gone.

Babysitting Machine

2009-12-11T18:29:00.001-08:00

Having been called a babysitting machine multiple times recently i feel the need to address the matter. It makes me laugh because its such a normal part of my life. But then upon closer inspection I see that to a normal person (i refer to normal as one having a life) the massive amount of children I watch is overwhelming. I as of right now have at LEAST 15 families i babysit for. Not all are regular jobs but I am their on call babysitter. Every week, on a normal week, I rack up at least 9 hours of childcare. Amazingly this has even decreased since the beginning of school when it was more like 11 or 12. But see that's a normal, every week, schedule. As we all know we have officially entered the holiday season. Normally any business becomes very busy around now. Well my job is no different. This is my busy season. Don’t believe me? Want some proof? How about I give you my schedule for the next 2 weeks or so.

Dec 11th (today): Michael 3:15-5:45 and Twohill 7-10

Dec 12th: Twohill 6:30-10 at least

Dec 13th: Nursery 9am-12 (This is volunteer though)

Dec 14th: Stickles 3:45-5:45

Dec 15th: Dayne 4-5:15 and Rory 6-10

Dec 16th: Dayne 4-5:15

Dec 17th: Women's fellowship 9am-11? (find out on Wednesday)

Dec 18th: Michael 3:15-5:45 and Twohill 6:30-10 maybe haha

19th and 20th I am free as of right now

Dec 21st: Henry 9am-2pm and Stickles 3:45-5:45

Dec 22nd: Henry 9am-3:30pm

So I hope that gives you some insight. Some of these days even include final exams. fun fun fun :) As you can see for the next 12 days i have 2 or 3 free days. But these days have the chance to fill up within the next week or so. When you write it all out like that I agree it can be a lot…more then most are used to. But all i can say is…I LOVE it. I love the children and constantly being surrounded by them. Sure the money doesn't hurt towards my college education but its definitely the joy i get from the children that’s the motivation and reason i surround myself with them. I am thinking of being a nanny as my job but right now i am not sure. I just want to interact with children until i can have my own.

Those are my thoughts on my newest nickname…enjoy.

My Adventure in the First Snow

2009-12-09T12:36:00.001-08:00

So basically I have a problem with college. Today we got 6 inches of snow at my house, it was hailing when i woke up, and the street had not been plowed yet when i woke up. Yet when I called “weather phone” they informed me that “ School is running on a normal schedule today. Have a great day.” I hung up the phone depressed. How in the world was I going to make it to my 8am class on time I wondered. I decided to skip it because it was just the 2nd to last one of the semester, not important. But I needed to go to my 10am one which was my English final exam.

Getting ready to go I figured that since our house is in like its own climate that maybe Quinnipiac hadn't been as affected by the snow. Boy was I wrong. The whole way to school I had to slush through snow on the roads, drive extra slow trying to see because of the pouring rain, and when I finally arrived at QU walk through puddles to the main campus. Upon arriving in the QUAD I thought I had been transported to the middle of Lake Whitney or something. Every single pathway had like 2 inches of water. Something they decided not to advertise in their beautiful brochures. People were splashing through on their way to class. There were UGGS and Rubber rain boots everywhere! Unfortunately for me I own neither of these. So my socks were a bit soggy by the time I got to my class. I took my exam and got out of that lake as soon as possible.

So since I did not have a snow day today, when i believe one was merited, I must go to class soon. Ugh, one of my last night classes. Criminal Law. Its final review time tonight. Friday ends QU101. Monday ends Photography. Wednesday ends Criminal Law. Thursday ends Sociology. Then I am officially done with this semester! I can’t wait for it. A month of Christmas break! :)

Off to class in this soggy slush I go. Bye.

Exhaustion

2009-12-07T08:27:00.000-08:00

So I didnt make the 3 days. I was planning on it then got to my computer at 11pm and decided I just couldnt, writting a blog would have made me fall asleep. Then yesterday I was out from 10am to 10pm. Didnt even get to finish my homework because I got home and was EXHASUTED. It was a great weekend though. And I just found out some news about finals, and classes ending earlier then expected which is pretty sweet.
ahhh even now...my brain is too tired to think.....So i just ate chips, cookies, and had some soda. while in the library...bad girl, then again the lady just passed by, saw my trash and said nothing. I dont understand why you arent supposed to eat in here but then everyone does because its never enforced. Whats the point of saying you cant? hmmm....exactly, idk either.
So i am going to have lunch soon with my friends then I think I will go home and take a nap. Another thing I dont understand...why did we have naps in kindergarten, when we had all the energy in the world, and yet do not in middle/high school, or college. They should have a mandatory nap time. right after gym would have been nice :) With the number of people who fall asleep in classes I think it would be beneficiary to everyone on a whole.
I am wearing fuzzy socks. They are warm. It was freezing out this morning. I love fuzzy socks. One christmas everyone in our family got socks, at least 2 pairs of fuzzy ones, dont know what it was about that christmas but our feet were nice and warm in the snow!

My mom has a blog, with a story, its cool, Jacob mentioned i should link it, so here it is: Tanta's Kitchen

Procrastination...and Christmas?

2009-12-04T08:01:00.000-08:00

I feel as if procrastination can be talked about by everyone in every way possible. Usually in my sphere of things its always about homework or at least school work. Often time i find that's all I think I procrastinate about. But recently I have broadened my view of what I do in life and how much never gets done on time. It feels like I am in a constant battle to get done with my to do list, and to get it all done by a deadline. When in fact I shouldn't even have a to do list. I should just be doing things when I come upon them and not have to worry about when it needs to be done by. But we are a world of lazy people whether or not you like it, most of us have just over time grown into this and its a hard mold to break. Because of this we do find the need to have a to do list and sometimes that bugs me but oh well, at least thinking about it is a good start to things...right?

Want to know what I have found I procrastinate with?

~Papers. I find i write better under the pressure of a deadline unfortunately and the grades i receive are not a good reinforcement to stop procrastinating because rarely are they bad.

~Reading my bible. I would love to be able to do it every day but i find myself putting other things before it on my "to do list". Then it gets pushed to the next day, where i read extra to make up, but its not the same because i know i am just reading because i missed it.

~Laundry. Yeah this is a huge one, if you have ever seen my room you know this. I will wait until i have no possible outfits left, then i end up doing like 4 loads of laundry...that's a lot.

~Using Presents. I know this is kinda a weird one but trust me I really want something, receive it, then find I don't use it a few months because I didn't have time. Want an example? I got a car for my birthday. My brother got me a CD player/stereo thing for it. That was in June, it is now December and it has not even been installed. I wonder if the warranty is up.

~Reading. I love to read, pleasure reading is a favorite past time. And yet Facebook or video games, or TV (actually not much TV) lures me in. In the corner of my room i have a stack of 15 books i want to read, not have to, but WANT to. (A few of those are also presents i have yet to use from June)

Okay so I think you get the point. I need to work on this but I find i am slowly. Homework is getting done a bit more on time and laundry is being washed a bit before it is absolutely necessary. Which rocks. Cause then i have a variety of outfits to choose from :)

On another note. I have ONE week of classes left, yay! Then a week of finals. Which I am hoping isn't too stressful. Then an entire MONTH off of school. Which is awesome. Yes, be happy with me, its awesome and you know it.

I am so excited for Christmas you can't even imagine unless you happen to be overly excited for it too. Are you? I don't know. What i do know is I am going to Sturbridge Village this weekend for a Christmas outing which will be soooooooo full of holiday spirit and then Sunday is our Carol Service and singing Christmas songs is always good for you :).

What your favorite Christmas song? Mine is most definitely "The Christmas Shoes" by Newsong. It is sad but amazing. They even made a movie from that one song, which takes skill, and the movie was great. One of the only ones i have actually cried during...anyways...enjoy your day. enjoy my post. maybe i can make it 3 days and do one tomorrow too! Because the one before this counted as yesterdays whether or not it was posted after midnight.

Ciao.

PS. That was nice and long right Elizabeth?

EDIT* Yesterdays was posted before midnight. So it will eb 3 days in a row if i get one in tomorrow...busy day though...so it may be really late who knows

Jacob

2009-12-03T21:08:00.001-08:00

Yes…the title says Jacob. “Who?" you ask may this be? Well I will tell you. He is probably one of the most awesome people i have met this past year. I met him a year ago, a friend of my friend Mike. We went to the mall and Jacob was one of the reasons it was an enjoyable trip. He is just plain funny. I think after becoming a world famous musician he can become a world famous comedian. But maybe that's just me. So on this trip Jacob continued to make us laugh after trying to play in the little kids playground thingy, changing all the hats on the mannequins and telling us we could get diabetes from a Cinnabon cinnamon roll. It was the beginning of a great friendship.

So now that you know him you’re asking why do i mention him? Why is he the title of this post? Simply because he is my inspiration. The reason I am writing this blog. He recently started his own blog (www.justatpar.com). Its hilarious and I love reading it. Really look forward to each time he updates it which he so kindly informs us about on Facebook :). The fact he is keeping it up, and that he decided to read mine, made me think I shoudl update mine more then once a century haha. Elizabeth I know i promised in the last one I would write more….and didnt…so this is for you as well has him okay?

So whats new in the life of Kay? Well not much really other then a hugely busy weekend coming up! With wreath making, a trip to Sturbridge village, meeting my “little” (BIg Brother Big SIster Program) a carol service and rehearsal for that as well, I am quite booked. While seeing friends in between my car is going to be everywhere! I best go get gas tomorrow!

Well its late…and i am doing homework. So this shall have to satisfy for now. Maybe it will be my new years resolution to write more…hmm still got time for that ;)

Kay

Priorities...?

2009-10-14T21:35:00.001-07:00

I never really had a problem with priorities and time management and how to schedule things so I could fit it all in and still be able to have time to enjoy life. Then I hit college and now POOF its all gone out the window apparently. Also I figured I am spending time on facebook and flickr and various other websites so I can spend more time on here. Confession..I thought no one read this blog then I saw Elizabeths comments which apparently I dont have linked to my email or anything so I never saw them. (sorry Elizabeth)….anyways I digress…I do have the time to write a quick post and as punishment for my own faults I will make myself actually write a good amount. Put up some pictures (for those of you who dont have facebook…you know who you are) :) So that everyone can enjoy those I liked! hmmm lets figure out how to do this.Ok here is number 1. Sweet panning shot I got for my photography class. That is a falcon I believe…I was excited I got one to look good. I don't know how great the quality will be on here. Hope you can see it.

These are a few more. So here you go. I am on skype chatting so i will end this now lol. Enjoy it. i will keep up with it I PROMISE :)

Kayyyyyy

College Life

2009-09-14T20:23:00.001-07:00

I am officially a college girl. Well technically 2 weeks ago. But better late then never right? So as I predicted in my previous post…I am quite busy with life all of a sudden. I go to class, study, babysit, and occasionally have time to hang out with friends. So blogging gets pushed to the back of the board even though it takes me like 5 minutes to write a blog as long as I have a topic in mind. I could be like Elizabeth and do pictures, probably would make it easier, then again I would have to take pictures every day to use one. I had photo tonight, the class that is, and just got my first assignment. Maybe I will keep those of you who actually read this….updated on those photos. Either way this blog really does fit the name. Its the story of my life, that is me just rambling out all the thoughts, well not all, but a lot i have in my head.

So i just looked on this computer, my Dell, and realized a sad thing. I don't have like any pictures on here… :( I should change that. Anyways. I know Elizabeth would love to know about college, maybe Tarzan too, so i will share a bit quickly before i head to bed.

QU101-The required class. Its insane, more reading and writing then my English class! All about being an individual.

English- Survey of American Lit. Interesting so far, more of a lecture class so i don't really have to participate which i enjoy. i can just sit, listen, and learn :)

Sociology-Also a kind of lecture class. Right now its not the most interesting cause we haven't gotten into too much of the human behavior stuff, but i am hoping it gets better.

Photo- love it already! teacher is cool as is the class. Check him out. Kevin Van Alest. He does pictures for like Mens Health and the New York Times Magazine!

Crim Law- Also dry right now but it should be getting better once we get past all the legal system stuff and into the crimes. I will keep you updated on this one.

Other then the classes I have 3 diff babysitting jobs between classes and am doing homework. I’ve been waiting for this time and so far I enjoy it immensely. I actually feel like I am doing something! Yay.

Goodnight :)

Kay-ology

2009-08-29T20:37:00.001-07:00

Let others know a little more about yourself, re-post this as your name followed by "ology"
FOOD-OLOGY
What is your favorite salad dressing?
I do no eat salad dressing

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Hmm well I always eat at Applebees…oh I KNOW! Ruby Tuesdays! A soup and salad bar plus their blackberry lemonade (which i am in love with) would have to make it my favorite

What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
peanut butter. I kinda already do.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Buffalo Chicken
What do you like to put on your toast?
Butter, Peanut Butter, Cinnamon and Sugar
TECHNOLOGY
How many televisions are in your house?

2. only 1 is really used though

What color cell phone do you have?
Black

What does the first text message in your in box say and who sent it?
Its from Adnan and says “WAKE UP!!”
Who was the last person to call you?

Jane about carpooling

BIOLOGY
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Adnoids

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
uhh a 90ish pound person
RANDOM-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No, Maybe the time period so i could know how long I live but I wouldnt want to be always dreading that one particular day
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I like my name very much actually. Short and simple :)
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
No probably not, I can find better things to do with my time to earn money

DUMB-OLOGY
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
2…i think…maybe 3
When is the last time you had a run in with the cops?
When I was little and told the lady on the phone I was home alone when I really wasnt and they showed up asking mom why she left me home alone. haha whoops
Last person you talked to in person:
Tina. She said goodnight

Favorite Month(s)?
Spring
CURRENT-OLOGY
Missing someone?
Yes actually I am. College time…that happens
Mood?
Happy, exhausted….have a headache and should be going to sleep
What are you listening to?
The crickets outside my window and the faint hum of the dryer
Watching?
My phone waiting for a text and the screen as the letters come on it

Worrying about?
If i can wake up in the morning to get to Quinnipiac then church
RANDOM-OLOGY

Last movie you saw
uhhhh wow…i dont even know…I love you Beth Cooper?
Do you smile often?
Could probably do it more. I like to smile.
Do you always answer your phone?
Yes I do. Whether or not I know the number. Probably the only time I wont answer it is in church or at dinner which is understandable i am sure
It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
ummm, jimmy, or kyle, or adnan…
If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I like my blue eyes. maybe a brighter blue.

Do you own a digital camera?
YES! and i LOVE it. Canon Rebel Xsi.
Have you ever had a pet fish?
I currently have 5.
Favorite Christmas song
The Christmas Shoes

What’s on your wish list for your birthday
I really dont know as of right now…its hard for me to think of things i want

Can you do pushups?
occasionally….but not many.
Can you do a chin up?
havent done it in a while so truthfully i dont know.

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?

IMore excited then nervous for sure
Ever been in a car wreck?
Nope and i am glad.
What is the last song to make you cry?
The Christmas shoes

Plans tonight?
SLEEP! Just got home from a bday party that was like a rave
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
No not really. No where I would classify as rock bottom

Name three things you bought yesterday.
Lemonade, BLT….thats all i bought…dead serious…

Have you ever been given roses?
No, I would like some though. I love roses

Do you have an accent?
Nope but i love to talk in them!

Current hate right now?
Early mornings after long nights

What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Talking to Tina and Jenna and Taryn at the sleepover

Yay. Now you know all about me. That makes for an easy post :) Kinda cheating but I am soooooo tired. Went to a birthday party…smoke machine, strobe lights, DJ, the works. it was crazy and now i have a headache so I must sleep.

Turn out the lights…

2009-08-28T22:02:00.001-07:00

So Thursday was Tina’s birthday. Tonight was her birthday party. 4 friends came, we watched Hannah Montana. T’was great. Now 2 are sleeping over. These 3…Tina, Jenna, and Taryn…all lay asleep besides me. Obviously not the nocturnal type as I am known to be. Its kind of funny because it went down the line. First out was Jenna at the door, next out was Taryn, next to Jenna, and then Tina next to Taryn. I guess technically I am next…but I am so not tired. Right now I am frustrated with a dream I keep having so I am thinking not sleeping. I am also psyched about school on Monday.

As i mentioned in my last post I am headed to my first class on the 31st. Well this weekend has been move-in time :) I went and met my friend Kathryn and her roomies with Adnan and just hung out in her dorm. It was nice and I plan on visiting again…oh boy one of them just started to snore…now I must sleep with that…grand just grand. Anyways as I was saying, just going to campus and meeting more people and seeing it so…alive…was awesome and I am excited to start my classessssssss. I also got my first books today which was sweet. All I have left to do is a bit of annotating, prepare my school bag, then I will be all set to begin. I am sure more blog posts will follow with the commencement of those classes.

Then again I have many many babysitting/after school care jobs I am taking on and who knows how much time I will have for this if i am trying to fit in “work” friends and studying with my classes. We shall see when the time comes though. Well off to maybe sleep I go. I shall turn out the lights and try to fall asleep. I’m not tired though…just bored really. :/

Nighty Night.

Ramblings of Boredom

2009-08-21T19:39:00.001-07:00

So I am bored. Its 10:30pm. Parents are out to dinner. Adnan is at work. Chelsea is…well who knows. So I can’t use oovoo or Skype to talk to them. Alas I find myself here. Writing my second blog post. Yay. I think I am going to link this to Facebook so people can actually read them. Hmm what to ramble about. Well I can tell you about my newfound fascination with my webcam and Skype and oovoo……if you would so desire to listen.

So far I have used oovoo only cause Adnan wanted to. It seems to like to kick me off and not respond, but that may be due to the fact that the computer is in my room and I don't have the best internet connection. Its nice though because you can do 6 way video calls when with Skype you can only do voice calls when its more then just a 2 person conversation. My friend Josh though just told me that he uses Google chat. Maybe I will check that out. Its crazy how we don't even need to leave our own rooms anymore to see people. Sure its not the same and I don't prefer it over person to person meetings but maybe some people do. Gonna cause even more laziness in this already way too lazy society. Craziness.

You know I thought blogging would be hard to keep up with and write long enough things but its not really. Its quite simple and I find I always seem to have enough to write. That could be due to my awesome rambling skills but who knows. :) Well this is great. I thought it would take longer and waste more of my time but it appears only 3 minutes have gone by so far. I write quickly. Maybe I should put more thought into it. Actually this is really all thought. Like a stream of consciousness.

Learned that with Oneto. Fun times in Psychology…In high school…college officially starts in a week basically. The 31st. Coming soon! I need to order my books come to think of it. Ahh why must things in life be so expensive. Already going broke just paying for tuition then we have to buy our own books on top of everything else. I am kind of glad I am not living on campus just because of how much more expensive it is and having to buy all the furniture and such. Not to mention I have friends living on campus and I can just join them in their rooms when I need to get away :) Yay for friendshipssss. haha. Okay i will end this now because I don't even know if anyone is ever going to read it lol.

Peace Out Cub Scouts

Its Me

2009-08-15T13:01:00.001-07:00

So this is my first blog…we will see how often I keep up, if I update it. I hope to do so just because I always felt like doing one of these but never got around to it. Mom started one, and Tina…and friends have them so here I go. Its called Story of My Life because basically it will be the story of my life. You will see pictures, hear stories etc. And they will be about my life. Plain and simple :) If I keep up with it, it will be awesome, okay? Sweetness. Story of my life today…I am incredibly bored and Tina is being a complete and utter bum sitting in her room not wanting to do anything. I am about to leave her and go take a walk or something, find a bored neighbor, or even enjoy this hot weather that finally feels like summer!

My favorite song for today is: How You Live (Turn up the music) by Point of Grace. Listen to it, I love it. This isn’t point of grace singing but its still the best one i could find.

How You Live

Talk to you later blogger peeps.